It seems to be that absolutely every one I know is going through some sort of major transition.  The theme seems to be that we are all losing everything we have; homes, jobs, relationships and not sure where to go next.  If this sounds like you, don’t worry, it’s happening to everyone right now!

I really think it’s a universal thing.  I feel like the world is getting shaken up in a major way and people are starting to wake up to themselves and to each other. We have spent so long on the grind, “doing jobs we hate to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like”.

I’ve started reading a book by Jungian analyst Marian Woodman and she talks about the “birth canal” in terms of it being painful going through changes in our lives.  I think this is why I had such a break down earlier this month, I had to lose everything to realise what I really, truly wanted.

And so I am happy to update you on what is happening with me:

I am moving back to London into a creative’s community right next door to where my best friend lives.

I put myself on a couple casting websites last week and now have an audition class and casting on the 28th and have been asked to send in a head shot for a feature film by Ron Howard.

I have aerial hoop classes, dance classes and pole classes lined up for when I hit London and have started doing work out DVDs to get myself into some sort of shape for when they start!

I am feeling good about life!  It feels Iike I’m coming out the other end of the birth canal.  I know where I’m going and what I want to do – be a performer. This has always been my dream and unfortunately I strayed from the path for quite a few years,  but it’s better that I do this now than never.

I also plan on taking some acting courses and finding out what sort of singing voice (if at all) I have at some singing classes.

If you’re a creative living in London and want to meet up and even possibly be featured on my website, email me!  Speaking of which, there will be a lot more interviews of people doing their own thing up on my site in the coming months so make sure you’re subscribed!

I’m excited and motivated!  I LOVE performing, especially in dance.  I am completely without professional training and utterly out of shape, but that’s even more exciting to me because my goal is to go from this to being trained and in perfect dancer shape to be able to apply to agencies and of course, be booked for shows!

I’m also excited to finally start working on the three burlesque performances that have been dancing around in my head for years.

By the end of this year, I want to be with a few agencies, regularly booked doing dance shows and at least be able to do some sort of acting if I feel its something I still want to do after Ive had some training.  TBH, I have no idea how I’m supposed to remember my lines!

Are any of you going through a disruptive period at the moment?  Lost and don’t know what to do next?  How are you coping?

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One of the things I try to do with this website is be honest about myself and my life in the hopes it will help others so I’m going to be brave and tell you all that there may be a moment of silence on this website due to the fact I am currently dealing with intense emotions that are coming up now that I am off the anti-depressants.

While it has been tears and tantrums (I smashed the screen of my MacBook and am now painstakingly tapping this out on my iPad) I felt I was ready for this. If I am ever to get better I have to deal with my demons and I felt now was the time to do that. The meds helped me get to a good place and now I want to be in a good place without them.

There is a lot of rage in me. I’m angry at myself, my parents, men and the world – all for being failures and failing me and the things I care about.

Then there is guilt for feeling angry at all those things and shame for all the mistakes I made, for the lies I’ve told myself just to get by.

I am stripped bare in the storm of my ignored emotions and I have to ride this storm to the calm. I know there is calm and peace.

This has to happen for me to become a truer me. I’ve done so much work on myself my entire life, once I stopped playing parent to my parents. I then became the self-healer but now I feel I no longer know how to deal with the issues that are left to heal.

I KNOW there is a magnificent me waiting inside, she’s just buried under the rubble of so many past wounds and attacks.

I hope you will all still be here when I feel full enough to write positively for this site.

All my love
Lisa

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Rêve de Bohème

 


Rêve de Bohème – Bohemian Dream.

Its late at night and I cant sleep so I decided to have a play around on Polyvore.  For inspiration I clipped items from my purchased wishlist on Amazon and added a few other bits that I liked.  I called it Rêve de Bohème because Im currently dreaming of living a fanciful bohemian life in Paris and the artist in the picture was French!

The champagne and the hand-blown champagne saucers were a gift and are so glamorous to drink from! Ive always wanted these 50s style champagne glasses! Now I have 12!

The perfume I found in a La Perla store in New York when I was lost and went in to ask directions, it’s currently my signature scent.

The background image is by one of my favourite French Art Deco artists, Tamara De Lempicka.  This print hangs above my bed, I have another one in our lounge.  I think you can tell a lot about a person by what type of art they like.  I personally cant stand Dali – way too weird for my tastes!  I think I like, sold, romantic and colourful.  Emotive.

The lampshade pulls my bedroom together nicely as I have wine red curtains and purple bedding – yes, my bedroom is purple and deep red! ;)

I just got the dress as a gift and haven’t yet worn it, but I think Im saving it for my birthday in February, its currently hanging on the outside of my cupboard looking pretty because Im in love with it’s deep red colour!

I more often than not wear red nail polish, and my favourite colour is O.P.I.’s Vodka and Caviar.

The watch was also a gift as a replacement for the Guess watch I thought I had lost.  This one is larger, more like a man sized watch but I love it although I only wear it when I leave the house.  I find I LOVE jewellery but I dont like actually wearing it.  Ive been through so many chains, bracelets and earrings because I have to take it off.  I currently have 10 gauge silver and diamond tunnels in my ears and thats about the only way I can constantly wear jewellery!

I really wanted those shoes but they were sold out on Amazon before I could get them.  I love that they make me think of the dancers in the “Roxanne” song in Moulin Rouge.

I dont know who the lingerie is from but I keep seeing it on Tumblr and it always makes my heart stop! I would feel just DIVINE wearing that under my dress!

You can follow me on Polyvore if you like although I don’t make a habit of spending time on there or I’d never get anything done!

Do you have a Polyvore?  Add your link in the comments below! xo

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I want to go somewhere there is art and passion and liberal thinking. I want to wear kaftans and a top knot and ride a bike with a baguette jutting out to my loft apartment where I paint and write and make love to beautiful young men who let me photograph them in black and white.

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I was doing a think this morning and I realised my bedroom/office was looking pretty so I took some pictures of it…

I am planning on finally visiting Paris for my birthday in February.  I didnt make it last year so I didnt get round to reading the books I got on Paris.  Now I will.  On top of the books is a Desert Rose Crystal.

Desert Rose: A gypsum. Lt. brown. Gently grounding; clarifies thinking and mental vision, perception. Quiets worry, brings out practicality. (Related to Selenite.) Quiets the mind. Used to access past/future lives, assists in bring material persuits related to business. Provides flexibility to one’s nature, strengthens decisions, align the spinal column and removes energy blockage. Stabilizes epileptic disorders.

For christmas my mom bought me this funny 2012 diary.  On the cover it says “sieze the afternoon” (Im hardly every up before 11am) and inside it has little quips like, “cleaned bathroom.  Will never let it get dirty again”.  Also, a rubber sleeve for my iPhone is essential because I have “spaz hands” – a nickname I got when I was a waitress once.  Before I broke all the crockery…  Seriously, its like my hands get bored while Im holding something!

My car key has it’s own chain and always gets laughs when I take it into the garage. Someone said it’s a guy’s keychain, but I’m owning it.

Diptyque’s Baies scent is my favourite and I always have one of their candles.  They are expensive but they last for ages.  I found this La Perla fragrance while asking for directions in their store in New York, it’s called J’aime.  Yes, those are red sequinned pasties, to remind me to do this custom fetish video for someone who has a thing for them…  The watch is by Guess and quiet large, I only ever wear it when Im leaving the house and often take it off because it sticks to my arm and that bugs me.

This is my favourite of the three Tretchikoff mugs I got for christmas from one of my fetish clients.  She is resting on my passport which is encased in a rad travel map cover and thats resting on my Paris “research” books.

This is my bedside table except its at the end of my bed because the way my room is shaped means my bed is wedged into an alcove of sorts where there is no space for the bedside table to go alongside the bed.  I got these speakers for christmas from another client of mine and they are constantly playing music.  He also sent me the Mason Pearson hairbrush which I love but think is grossly overpriced – glad I didnt pay for it!  I also have a collection of feathered earrings.  Bumble and Bumble’s Thickening Spray is awesome if you have fine hair like I do!

This is my dresser.  Im slowly collecting prints of my favourite artists but in the meantime, some of them exist as a print off from the internet.  The framed prints are by Rik Lee which you will know if you are a regular reader.  The smaller framed print with the skull rosary hanging on it is by Amy Duncan who is a tattoo artist in Melbourne, Australia.  To her right is a piece by famous pinup artist of the 1950′s, Alberto Vargas. This image is always striking to me whenever I see it and when the pound shop (dollar store to those across the pond) gets new black frames in, she will be framed.  I dont know who did the stilettos in the other picture, but I will probably have them tattooed one day.

The apple and the Russian Doll cats are from my mother.  She bought them on a cruise around Russia.  The apple has a Gustav Klimt picture on it, he is another artist I love. The card on the left I got at the Erotica exhibition in London last year.  It’s by a lady who does beautiful erotic wrapping paper and printed plates.  The bottle in the back was a bottle of cider and I just loved the pinup design!

These are my anti-depressants.  I am all for natural treatment of ailments and since I was on anti-depressants for two years and just become numb and emotionless, I recently came off them.  I do a lot of research into treating ourselves holistically and naturally. Zinc deficiency has been linked to depression in women.  So now I take 100mg a day with the 5HTP and feel a hundred times better!

I have been so out of touch with my natural creativity due to depression and the resulting medication.  I have now stocked up on coloured markers and crayons for drawing with! Next to my Macbook is my new A4 notebook which has become essential to me.  Atop of that is my iPad2 which was given to me last christmas.  It is covered in a GelaSkin print by Colin Thompson which is a very colourful image of a quirky bookshelf.  I mostly play Zynga games (I play Dream Zoo and Forestville because Ive finished Cityville which took me MONTHS.) and watch BBC programs (Escape To The Country) on it.

My room is small, so I had nowhere to put all my shoes, my then boyfriend bought this bookshelf for me from a thrift store and it now houses all my books and shoes.  I read all kinds of things.  Here you can see books by Dr Jonathan Wright who is a Nutritional Therapist and very very forward thinking when it comes to healing the body naturally.  I also got the Gerson Therapy book because people close to me have cancer and I wanted to know more about this cancer cure by diet program.  Those are fake Louboutins I found in a designer thrift store in Ipswich and Cats is my favourite musical theatre.  I still remember the first time I saw it and the feeling that I belonged on the stage.  I guess the internet has become my stage now :)  Im also into self sufficient living, feminism and food!

I think this picture is hilarious because of the juxtaposition of the philosophy book and the conga dancing skeleton…  That skeleton has a freaking skirt on with it’s hands on it’s hips and when you press the button the conga plays and it freaking dances.  It instantly puts me in a good mood.  I still havent read the Nietzsche book…

Every pair of shoes have a story dont they?  Those brown ones are YSL rip offs and they are so comfortable.  I once spent 3 straight hours dancing maniacally in a Breaks club in them and they handled perfectly.  The scarf is purple and grey with skulls on.  The leopard print peeptoes look amazing when my toes are painted red and are a favourite with my foot fetish customers.

These clear 5 inch heels are my favourite.  Especially when I am doing foot fetish webcam because they show off my feet while keeping them in a sexy arch.  I guess you can take the girl out of the strip club but you cant take the strip club out of the girl…  The red strappy fetish heels were a gift from a customer.

These red heels are my absolute favourite. Ive never worn these purple lace shoes I just like the way they look.  I totally need to dust my book/shoe shelf!

I recently bought ballet shoes.  Real ones.  For doing ballet in.  I found a local adult ballet class and I cant wait to start.  I did ballet up until I was 7yrs old, I was totally crap at it.  I could never remember the french names of movements beyond the plié and one teacher got mad at me because my back is always curved.  It’s not, I just have a really round ass!

More fetish heels that were gifts.  The ones in the foreground are impossible to walk in if you dont have flexible ankles but they are very very sexy looking.  The studded ones in the back are painful to wear but my customers love them.

Wedges are the way forward, seriously.  For some reason stiletto heels just dont support you enough.  Wedges can be worn longer.  I never wear these haha.  But then I live in a town where wearing heels is dressing up…  The booties in the back are so done.  I wore them while performing in a rock burlesque group I was in and the heels are shot.

My black boots collection.  At the back are suede wedge boots which I love wearing because they give my 5’6 frame height.  But the flat biker boots I wear All.The.Time. Comfortable and easy to slip on and run out the door.  Then come a pair of impossibly uncomfortable stiletto fetish boots made famous by Lady Gaga, I only ever wear them if a customer has a boot fetish.  The knackered boots in the front are my thigh high boots which I wore when I was a stripper because I was that badass rock-chick stripper in a tartan miniskirt and a mischievous scowl that spat in your drink while waving my ass in your face.

I could stare at this picture forever…

What are your favourite things about your bedroom?  What do you wish you had in your bedroom?

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One day in my early twenties after years of working desk jobs in the corporate world I asked myself “when do I get to do what I want to do?”.

I realised that 90% of my time and money is going to someone else. Someone faceless, someone who doesnt feel like they’re playing fair. What about me?

All my friend’s around me kept telling me that “that’s just how life is” and “you just make the best of your lot”, but I couldnt help feeling that I wasnt put on this earth to be some kind of human machine on an endless treadmill designed by a society I was completely out of touch with in my heart.

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I have been fired from or have left every single job I have ever had. I would reach such an unbearable level of anxiety that I simply had to get out. From the benign small talk to the rigid protocols that never seemed to make sense, I was slowly dying inside.

I began to fantasise that I would just get up from my desk and walk right out of that life. Eventually I did. I walked out of a Personal Assistant job to four Financial Directors at a very large Telecommunications company. (Ugh, I get shudders just writing such a boring sentence!)

I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do next, I just knew that I couldn’t slowly commit suicide this way.

That was close to ten years ago and I am still discovering what Im made of and what my gift to the world is. I think Im finally on the right path in the right town metaphorically speaking. I went to Strip City, Disco Land and Horse Country (more on those another time) and all kinds of things in between trying my best to stay away from the black hole that was work wear and filing cabinets.

I currently scavenge an income, sometimes doing fetish phone calls or webcam (boring is clearly not my thing!) and sometimes asking my mom to help pay my bills. Ive never felt happier. I LOVE writing for this site. I LOVE going on adventures to develop content for this site. I KNOW I will eventually make an income online doing what I love, Ive seen it in my mind for a long time. I can FEEL that Im on the right path.

And yes, there are times where it gets so bad financially that I start thinking I should go and get a “real job”, but then the panic attacks start and I know that’s not the right decision and that I am not practicing The Art of Just.

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Honouring my heart has been the greatest gift I have ever given myself. It has made me stronger and inspired countless other people who follow my journey online.

I may not have much in the way of financial stability, yet, but I am at peace with myself and the world in as far as my daily existence goes and I am enjoying every new day that brings new opportunities to learn and grow closer to my true purpose.

There is now a whole industry dedicated to helping you break free of the confines of a stifling corporate job.  These people do it best: Chris Guillebeau | The Art of Non-ConformityEscape from Cubicle Nation.  Read the first of many to come interviews I’ve held with people leading unconventional lives here.

Are you your own boss?  Do you wish to be?  What’s it like for you being in charge and what do you think it will take for you to step into that role?  Let us know in the comments below and stay tuned for my story on what stepping out of the status quo has taught me.

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This christmas was special because my mom was able to spend it with us and my car got fixed which means mommy and me went adventuring with camera in tow!

We visited the well known fishing village of Padstow in Cornwall where Rick Stein’s fancy restaurant is, made a short stop in Wadebridge and headed to St Ives, another well known fishing village on the Cornish coast.

Unfortunately the weather was windy and rainy and overcast but now that my car is fixed, there will be many more adventures to come!

These are the taps for Cornish Rattler Cider!


The Russian Dolls and stuffed toys can be bought from:
Abbey Bears
11  The Market
Padstow
Cornwall
PL28 8AL
Telephone:  01841 532 484

On Boxing Day we took a drive down to St Ives.  Unfortunately the shops were all closed, but I will be visiting again, especially the shop below which was full of curiosities!

Gypsy Gabriel

The Sloop Inn was built in 1312!

On Friday I will be doing my volunteer induction at the Cat Protection in Truro, so hopefully I will have some great photos from there too!

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Ever since Ive made a conscious choice to be positive thinking I notice complaining a whole lot more.  Ive put in the work to recognise negative thinking and because I no longer take anti-depressant drugs (yay me!) I have to work extra hard at catching those little blighters that try and slip in through the back door.

However, Im finding that I seem to be surrounded by complainers.  Granted, I do live in a country where complaining is jokingly called the other national sport, but when you’re trying to create a mental environment of zen positivity while everyone around you is moaning about everything under the sun, it gets frustrating.

Some people just love to moan and I wonder what they would do with themselves if they suddenly weren’t able to gripe about anything.  I certainly wish I had the power to bonk some people on the head to rid them of this annoying habit, for their sake and mine.

So I devised a plan.  Did you ever have a swear box in your home or office?  Well, if you didn’t, it works like this.  Everytime you swear, you have to pay a fine.  It’s supposed to stop you from swearing and if done right, eventually will.

My plan is to transform complaining into something positive and functional. You can do this at home or at your office.  Just get a jar or money pig and each time someone wants to complain, they must instead write the complaint out on a piece of paper and put it in the jar or box with a monetary fine.  At the end of each month, send the funds collected to a charity of your choice and burn the complaints.

Being so mindful of your complaints will help put things in perspective and paying for your complaints will help those who have a right to complain.

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Even I, an open minded liberal, felt all the crotch grabbing in Rihanna’s You Da One video a bit in your face.

But I know why.

Because we never see it!  We never see women in control of their sexuality! This video is kind of the equavilant of the beginning of Madonna’s career, or Mae West back in the 1940′s.  Women in charge of and celebrating their sexual power is ALWAYS shocking.

It’s not bad, it’s just not usual.

When we realise we the product of thousands of years of female repression, we can better understand why we feel offended to whatever degree by in your face female sexuality.

Female sexuality. I mean, who really knows what that is?  And isn’t that just a shame?  I mean, we know what it is when it’s an idea in a man’s head.  Sure, we know how to be sexy to the male.  But what about sexy for us?  What about horny for ourselves?  What about just fully in love with our magnificent power!?

Hello, if you think about it, pussy IS the most powerful weapon on the planet.  Through the ages pussy has started and ended wars.  And yet, we are so up our own arses about our weight, our looks, our success, our doubts, our what-ifs that we have NO IDEA that we are the very thing the world needs to completely change around.

Like the saying goes, the man makes the decisions, but the woman turns the head.

So, when we see a woman celebrating her sexuality, it is shocking to us because we are not used to seeing such incredible power. We know what masculine power looks like to the moon and back but feminine power is new to us.

I say grab that crotch, show me what you got, show everyone, let them be scared, shake them up, INSPIRE us so we can harness our wild feminine horses and change the world!

To understand this more thoroughly, I recommend reading the following post by a Female Dominant.  Her website is not safe for work.

What do you think?

not: Used with an auxiliary verb or “be” to form the negative
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1.  Get yourself a notebook. An A4 sized notebook did for me. Obviously I needed the right size notebook for my big ideas! I am constantly scribbling notes in it. From post ideas for this site, to “about me” quotes by other inspiring women, to business ideas and places I want to explore, to do lists and desire lists and silly drawings like my “Namaste KKK” doodle I did (I’ll explain that one soon!). Buying a set of colourful pens or markers is also a great way to liven up your essential notebook.

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KEY: Take it everywhere and always have it next to your computer. If you’re like me and your brain is firing at 1000 horsepower, often too fast to keep up with, a notebook is invaluable! I already feel 10x more inspired, productive and capable now that I have a reference point by my side at all times.

2.  Stop reading women’s magazines. Just dont. I mean, if you get them for the fashion, then get the most expensive ones, because really, those are the only ones worth looking at if its just about the fashion for you. But if you dont really care about fashion, there is NO reason to read women’s magazines. They are terrible terrible horrible nasty enemies to the female. They are hunters in disguise, wolves in sheep’s clothing. They will make you feel not good enough and poor and average – all the things you never want, or ever need to feel! You DON’T need to know what to wear or how to suck dick 10 different ways to attract and keep a male. You absolutely DON’T.

CosmoPOLLUTION. They pollute your brain with cookie cutter ideals that are unrealistic and unattainable. If you want something like a magazine in your life, read Gala Darling, or Yes and Yes, or any myriad of awesome blogs on the internet that inspire you and encourage you while also showing you cute ways to wear that bow or those socks WITHOUT the biased and false advertising. In fact most of these awesome magazine like blogs online promote products by the people for the people and to me that is a far better use of my money than handing it over to a faceless corporation because of a greedy lie they told.

3.  Live Audaciously! Audacity:- The willingness to take bold risks.  You are not a timid mouse who wishes they could have things differently but never does anything to get what they want.  You dont let people talk to you however they want or demand of you things without consideration for your opinion or desire on the matter.  You never deny yourself whatever pleasures you want, whenever you want them.  You always give yourself whatever it is you need and surround yourself with positive, uplifting people.  You are WOMAN, lemme hear you ROAR.

Seriously, most of us ladies have no idea just how magnificent and worthy we are!  It is now your time to make your place in this world.  You are the baker, the cook and the creator of your divine life.  You ARE the Creative Director of YOUR LIFE.  Go and get some business cards printed that read YOUR NAME: CEO of My Exemplary Life.  Contact Details: Relaxing in the bathtub.  I mean really, if you’re not designing your life, which actually, you ARE ALLOWED TO DO, then who is?  And why isn’t it you?  It should be YOU!  The world NEEDS you at your fullest, most joyful and empowered self, you KNOW you have it in you so now allow yourself the pleasure of the gift that is you! Oh! The audacity!

I’d love to know the little life hacks you’ve found that help you feel like you’re winning at life – let us know in the comments below!

source: A place, person, or thing from which something comes or can be obtained
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