Browsing Category

Inspiration

Inspiration

Give Yourself Permission

February 26, 2015

Give Yourself Permission

Nobody is going to give you permission to go after your dreams and live a life on your own terms. In fact, there will be many who will actively discourage you because they feel safe where you’re at, if you change, everything changes, but you don’t live for other people, you live for you and what’s in your heart.

If you’ve been desiring something different, a new way of living, you desire it for a reason and it means it’s available to you but you need to step up to the plate, CLAIM IT and make it happen.


If you’re ready to make the leap from being employed to being your own boss and you need the courage and a plan to do so, I am your dame, let’s have a chat today, I’m here to help you make your dream life a reality.

Inspiration

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway

February 25, 2015

Be Fearless

Fear. Oh man, we all got it bad. Fear of failure, fear of success… Eventually, tho, something has to change, somewhere we gotta feel the fear and do it anyway and know that failure is just feedback. At the end of your life, do you want to have regrets about all the things you were too afraid to take a chance at? Not me, and I’ll try to remember that the next time I’m shaking in my boots!


 

If you’ve been thinking about becoming your own boss but need clarity, confidence and a plan of action, then I’m your dame! Schedule a complimentary discovery consultation with me today.

Inspiration

Money Mindset Breakthrough!

February 19, 2015

If you don’t yet know about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), also known as Tapping, find out about it. Basically, things that happen to us and the resulting beliefs we form become a part of our energetic body and in essence become stuck in us. By tapping on certain meridian points while stating your current feelings about a situation, like when you’re super stressed out or you’ve been triggered, can help you to dislodge those stuck beliefs. This is a very simplified explanation, but it absolutely works.

Now, money is something I have struggled with my entire life. I am an only child from an abusive home and raised by a single mother from the age of 13. When I came across this simple EFT for money blocks video from Nicola Humber, I decided to do it because I’m working on a money hump that I’m trying to overcome right now.

At first I was like, nope, I don’t believe that I don’t deserve the money I want, but then she said “that’s what they told me when I was little” and I realised how my family’s money story affected me. We NEVER had money. My dad was the sole earner and a struggling artist, he was also volatile around money and we feared asking him for money to buy food or pay bills.

When I was older and living with my dad after the divorce, I remember him telling me that he couldn’t wait until I finished high school so that I would no longer be his responsibility and he wouldn’t have to waste his money clothing and feeding me.

Until this video, I had no idea how these experiences could have set a subconscious belief in me that I was undeserving.

Mind blown. I really struggle with trying to uncover all of the limiting and negative beliefs living in me from being abused as a child and bullied at school and all the resulting disasters that happened in my life because I didn’t have the mental capacity or health to make the right decisions. My coping method has been to disassociate from my childhood so it is so difficult to remember what may have caused things still hampering me today.

My healing has taken my whole life and to come across something that can help me uncover another thing to be released is so valuable to me.

I share this with you in the hopes it may help those who also struggle.

If you want to know more about how tapping can help you with your weight or your money issues, I list two excellent books on the subject in my List of Life Changing Books which you can receive by joining my mailing list.

Inspiration

Screw The Should! Do What Feels Good!

February 18, 2015

THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER

What are you not doing because of fear of what some people may think? Will you regret not being authentically you just because of what you think others will think? If so, it’s time to get your shit together and do life on your own terms!

Some may think you’re weird but some will think you’re awesome and be inspired by your bravery to do you as you please. So why focus on the few who aren’t into it when you can focus on those who will love it?

Aim to be the granny/grandpop with the most interesting stories to tell!


If you’re bored, stifled and heading for burnout at your day job and desperate & daydreaming about being your own creative boss, schedule a free consultation with me today to talk about making a plan to escape cubicle nation at selfmadedame.com.

 

Inspiration

Are You Done Yet?

January 7, 2015

Pep Talk

I am so effing excited for this year. Working with my business coach (the very awesome Carly Dawson), I’ve already mapped out my first coaching program and who my ideal client is and how I will serve them and even have an idea on how I can expand on this in a few months and keep increasing the value of my service.

I can see all of my dreams coming true this year (the better car, the detached house in a quiet neighbourhood, finally getting my arms fully tattooed…). Not only have I done the best thing ever for myself by investing in both a life coach and a business coach, but also investing in changing my mindset around money. Coming from a poor family with a lack mentality has been my achilles heel. I’ve invested a lot of time in reading books on changing my relationship with money.

Today I started ready How To Be Wildly Wealthy Fast by Sandy Forster and it is confirming everything Ive been learning for a while. Our lives reflect our thoughts, if we are always broke its because we are always thinking about how broke we are. What you think about most of the time is what becomes your reality. 

We can LITERALLY MAKE BELIEVE with our lives just as we did as kids. You imagine the way you would like to live and you focus on that all of the time despite your current reality until your reality changes, and it will. But at the end of the day, you have to be ready to change. You have to get to a point where you are so fucking DONE with your repetitive misery that you actively find a way to change it and DO THE WORK.

You have to be ready to let go of your victim story and be brave enough to make a positive change. I think we get so comfortable in the familiar woe-is-me-story that it becomes safe because its familiar, like, the pain is so familiar its comforting. Oh I’ve been there!

But honestly, we can change our lives, it starts with changing your mind, not allowing negative thoughts a second up in there. Crowding them out with gratitude for everything. In this book today I read: all of us at any level are living someone else’s dream life. So if you think you are in dire straits and really struggling, guess what, you’re living someone else’s wildest dreams.

Honestly, we are so spoiled in the first world. Having a safe and warm house, with a comfortable bed and hot water and food in the fridge is a fucking luxury to millions of people around the world and we should be grateful for what we do have, even if we dont know how we are going to pay that water bill.

Appreciating where you are and what you do have is your first step to turning your life around. I overcame depression by crowding out negative thinking with gratitude (as well as ready books on overcoming depression and anxiety), sounds simple, but it works. Gratitude changes lives, try it because its not like your current state of mind has done any good for you is it. So you’ve got nothing to lose by trying something else.

Also respecting yourself enough to get rid of all the shit lying around your house, all that stuff youve been meaning to sort out, just fucking do it. It will take a huge weight off your mind, free up some energy to start flowing and make you feel better because you did something for yourself and finally don’t have stuff around you that brings you down everytime you look at it. That stuff is a physical manifestation of your inner world. Clear it.

Change starts with you and your thoughts. Choose to think differently and your world will change.

I’m living proof of this and Im continually working on this. I have my bad days, everybody does, it is natural, but if you want to stop being a victim in your life and start actually enjoying your life and experiencing what its like to live without stress and anxiety about everything all the time, you have got to get your mind right.

There is a massive wealth of information out there as well as coaches and mentors that can teach and guide you, but you have to be ready to change.

So, are you done yet? Are you so effing sick of yourself and ready to make a change? If you are and you’re ready to do something different and get better results, I’d like to schedule a free 30min Skype chat about where you are and where you want to be, I’ve got some great tools up my sleeves that I used to change my life and I’d love to share them with you. Just hit me up to arrange your time to chat with me 🙂


Want the list of books that instigated massive change in my life in all areas? Join my newsletter to instantly receive it.

Inspiration

Invest In Yourself In 2015

December 23, 2014

I began 2014 by heralding the mind-blowing and life-changing books that I read over the holiday period, you can find out about them here. And in 2014 I did A LOT of inner work with the help of various courses, healers and coaches.

I asked in the various Facebook groups I’m in what everyone’s best investment was in 2014 and by far the highest scores went to coaches and courses.

be awesome inspire others

My 2015 moto!

The Course

Personally, I first enrolled in School of the Modern Mystic for a second time. Yep, I repeated the course. Not because I flunked the first time round, there’s no way to flunk the course unless you don’t do the work, but because for me, I needed to lay the groundwork for the course to have a real affect on me the second time around. In SOMM, you learn about your energy centres, known as chakras and how they affect every aspect of your life and how you can balance them out so that your life begins to run smoothly.

This course was so eye opening for me and definitely had a profound affect on me. Not only did it help me to be less reactive to life, but I haven’t experienced depression since I started it. It’s not a course you do alone either. There is a private Facebook group where you can discuss your, often very personal journey, with the other students who completely understand what you are experiencing and support and encourage you along the way, as well as support from Belinda and her mother and the periodical White Light Healing Retreats which you take at home and which have profound and beneficial change on your life. If you want to learn to meditate, want to get unstuck, want to finally let go of the negativity and the chaos and take back control of yourself and your life, I highly recommend becoming a student.

The Coaches

One of the great effects of this course is you are energetically guided to the exact people you need in your life at the right time and I was guided to working with EFT Transformational Wealth Coach, Sabina Lawrence who has become a dear friend of mine and helped me to get a handle on my emotions and uncover and let go of old hurts through the technique of tapping alongside her expert and compassionate coaching.

Once I had a better handle on myself and wasn’t flailing about in a self-pity party, I was able to take steps to finally, actually DO something with myself and my life and in order to do that, I needed an intuitive life coach, someone who was more sensory than logical so when I came across Stephanie‘s website from an advert on another blog that I was advertising on, I felt an immediate connection and like I had been guided to her too. She too helped me turn my life around. She asked me the right questions at the right time, gave me a path to walk on and helped me stick to it, encouraging me and helping me be kinder to myself along the way.

The Healers

Towards the end of this year, I felt ready to do some really deep cleansing of myself. I invested in a CTC session. The 2 hour Skype session involved NLP, visualisation, tapping, and other exercises that took me to some very painful and long forgotten places in my psyche that needed to be faced and healed. It was very intense and while I didn’t walk away from it singing from the hill tops, I believe it did work that needed to be done in order for me to move on.

Finally, I invested in some healing work with Daniel Sainsbury who practices the art of Ho’oponopono and A Course In Miracles among other tools. Again, we touched on some painful places, but I definitely walked away feeling refreshed and relieved of old hurts that were keeping me stuck. Daniel is an absolute well-spring of knowledge that will open your mind and enlighten you, I highly recommend following him on Facebook too.

I still have work to do. Now it’s time for me to work on my money mindset. I’ve been broke and struggling much of my life and it’s time for that to end. I believe in myself and I believe that everything I have been through has been for a reason that will eventually be the catalyst for an incredible business that will inspire, motivate and change lives.

So, in 2015, I am investing in 3 incredible women who have a proven track record of inspiring positive change in others:

  • Denise Duffield-ThomasLucky Bitch Money Bootcamp. If you haven’t yet read her books Lucky Bitch and Get Rich Lucky Bitch, I highly recommend that you do. (And if you’re looking for a 1-1 prosperity coach, I recommend Roxy Ahmed at Gorgeous Wealthy Femme – she ROCKS!).
  • Danielle Laporte‘s The Desire Map because what is the point of setting goals if ultimately what you want is the resulting feeling you will experience once you achieve them. Set goals with your desired feelings in mind and you’re onto a better winner.
  • Gala Darling‘s Radical Self Love Bootcamp because if there is one thing I have learned through this year’s inner work is that I still have work to do when it comes to loving myself. My entire life people have been telling me to stop being so hard on myself and I could not understand what they meant. I’m beginning to see it now and I’m learning to have more compassion for myself and to acknowledge my every accomplishment, no matter how big or small.

Aside from all this inner work I’m investing in, I am also building a business and I have big goals in mind which I’ve highlighted before and in order for me to be successful, I need to learn something I’ve never done before and that’s business strategy, so, I’ve hired Carly Dawson as my business strategy coach. She’ll be helping me get clear on exactly what it is I want to build a business around, how to deliver it and how to market it and I can’t bloody wait! We start in January and I am counting down the days!

If you do nothing else this coming year, invest in yourself, you will never regret it. Wether you invest in a course to teach you how to do something, a coach to mentor, motivate and inspire you or a few books to enlighten and teach you, put yourself first in 2015, be somewhere totally different and absolutely more kick-ass this time next year 😉

Choose yourself, live life bold <3

Inspiration

There Is No Such Thing As Being Too Much

November 11, 2014

To which I replied…

This really carries on from my video about suffering from “Not Good Enough-itis“. I think we all have times in our lives where we don’t do things because we think it may be off putting, or “too much”.

[Tweet “There is no such thing as being too much. Only too much for some people, but not all.”]

Many people think Lady Gaga is too much but millions love her. She IS too much and that is precisely why a lot of people love her but she is also incredibly talented and if it wasn’t for her “too much-ness”, no one would know she existed and she wouldn’t have changed the millions of lives that she has through her message.

I’m not saying that you should suddenly become an extravert (altho I’m willing to bet Gaga is an introvert or at least an ambivert) to get noticed in life and business, what I AM saying is that you rob the world of your unique talents when you think you are too much before you even put yourself out there.

No such thing as being too much

We each have a unique flavour and not everyone will love it, but not every one has to. Coca-cola is one of the biggest and most wide spread companies in the world, you can find their cans littered in some of the most remote places across the globe, but not everyone loves drinking coke.

You do you, as quirky and as individual as you are and there will be raving fans anywhere you go. Just spend some time on Youtube and you will find all kinds of people who are too much for you but that have a massive fan base.

You can never be too much for everyone, only for some, but you’re not living for some people are you? Only for those who’s lives you have a positive effect on.

Be you, as much or as little as you are, but put yourself out there. The world is waiting.

Inspiration

Resisting Meditation Isn’t Working Smart, It’s Working Hard

October 27, 2014

Meditation Works

I’ve been on this spiritual course for a couple years, the basis of it is working on cleansing the chakras through meditation. Up until I took the course I knew I needed to meditate but I just couldn’t seem to make it happen. I would try but my over active imagination would put a on right song and dance to distract me. I was just too wound up to sit quietly and think nothing. Which, incidentally, is the best time to sit down and be quiet!

All of that changed when the teacher of the course included a guided chakra cleanse meditation. This meant all I had to do was sit back, relax and listen to her voice telling me where to focus and what to do. That’s the easy part and actually having something to do in a meditation helped me focus, ironically.

What happened next is that I began to experience real resistance to sitting down to meditate. I would come up with every excuse in the book (and still do at times) that I was too busy or too tired to do the meditation. A lot of the time I would also drift off to sleep during the meditation and then feel frustrated that I didn’t get the benefits of meditating because I went to sleep instead!

The irony of it is, being too busy to meditate is a clear sign that the ONLY thing you should be doing is meditating FIRST. The deeper I go into understanding ourselves energetically, the more I am understanding that life is an inside job. Get yourself right on the inside and your life starts to come together. It’s like I’ve said about gratitude, when I forget to practice a constant attitude of gratitude, I find my life starts to fall apart. The same goes for meditating.

What is meditating?

Like many people who haven’t tried it, I also thought it was the process of sitting cross-legged and straight backed and stopping all thought. Well I can tell you one thing, you won’t get anywhere fast if you try to sit like this! It’s best just to sit comfortably somewhere, you can even lie down or stand up, whichever you prefer!

As for the thoughts, the point is not to think about nothing at all, that is nearly impossible. The trick is to take a step back and watch the thoughts come and go as if you were watching a silent film. To be unattached to the thoughts, to have no emotion about them, to simply acknowledge their presence and then let them pass. This by far is the greatest accomplishment in meditation and has absolutely turned my life around.

Meditation VS depression

For one, I no longer suffer depression. Yes, I believe that meditation cured my depression. The reason for this is, I realised that there were thoughts, which I called The Brat In My Brain, that would trigger a rapid downward spiral into depression for me. Meditating has helped me to practice unattachement to these thoughts and in so doing, I have been able to recognise which thoughts are the triggers and let them pass.

Doing a chakra cleanse meditation specifically has helped me to balance my energetic self and in turn I no longer react to situations the way I did in the past. This has freed me up to focus more on creating the life I want instead of feeling like a victim to circumstance. I was so caught up in my negative story, my disadvantages, etc, now, I have a better handle on things, I’m so much more capable, I handle life and I’m creating instead of crying.

Working smart, not hard

In the spiritual world there’s a lot of talk about our ego self, this part of us that basically wants what it wants even at the disadvantage of ourselves. I know, it can be hard to understand. Basically, meditating is a form of self care and from that self care comes change and this is something the ego doesn’t like. You see the ego’s program was put in place in our formative years, protecting us when we didn’t know better but as we evolve, it’s programming doesn’t change as easily so it still fights us on any new developments. Meditating is evolution so I experienced a lot of resistance. And my life stayed in turmoil. I stayed too busy to meditate, I stayed too tired to meditate, I stayed to annoyed, etc. That’s working hard. Not meditating made my life harder and the whole point on going on a spiritual course was to learn to make my life easier.

An inside job

Taking the time to meditate puts my inner world right. It balances me energetically, it cleans up the icky, stuck bits that got there through hardships and disappointments and heartbreaks and abuse. It’s very much like doing a disc clean on your computer. Once you do the disk clean, everything runs more smoothly. Making the time to meditate means my life runs more smoothly in an almost magical way. It actually takes the graft out of my life. Ideas come to me more easily, I don’t react as adversely to sticky situations, I’m more level headed and rational, I can be around toxic people without taking on their gunk, I can support my friends without feeling drained and I attract to me the very people that can help me to up level my life.

If you’re constantly stuck in life and tired of your same old story, consider meditation. The best way to get started is with guided meditations, I highly recommend Belinda Davidson’s Guided Chakra Cleanse Meditation as well as Jessica Mullen’s lovely Daily Meditation videos on Youtube. Or find your own, there is something out there for everyone.

If you would like to know what the chakras are and how they affect our lives, here’s a great explanation from the kid’s cartoon, Airbender!

Do you meditate? If so, how did you get into it and how has it helped your life?

Inspiration

Follow What Feels Good

October 23, 2014

Follow What Feels Good

When you’re stuck at a decision making cross road, follow what feels good. It really is that simple. If you can’t decide, go with the choice that doesn’t make you feel icky, doesn’t make you feel anxious, doesn’t make you feel less than yes.

We often get so caught up in what we think we should be doing. We make lists of pro’s and con’s but ignore how we would ultimately feel after we make the decision.

I just launched a side biz to do freelance online work for people too busy or not too tech savvy, I’ve tweaked my approach a few times since it’s initial inception because even though I could do all of the things I offer, not all of them lit my fire and if it doesn’t light your fire, you are less likely to do the kind of work that people will hire you again and again for, and recommend to their colleagues and friends.

This adage doesn’t just apply to choosing work you love, but to just about any decision you make. Women are blessed with an innate sixth sense that we are normally very in tune with, embrace that, listen to what your energy body is telling you. Sit with each option and see how it makes you feel when you think about it. Whichever one feels the best, that’s the one you go for, even if it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t need to make sense rationally, but that good feeling will point you in the direction you need to go in your life in order to evolve.

Sometimes things will tick all the boxes on paper, but if it doesn’t feel good, it’s not a good choice. The cliché “go with your gut” is a cliché for a reason 😉

What decisions have you made recently based purely on the fact it felt good to do it?

Inspiration

The Books That Changed My Life

October 22, 2014

The Books That Changed My Life

As an only child, books were my best friends growing up. I read voraciously especially enjoying adventurous books starting with Enid Blyton’s Magic Faraway Tree, The Famous Five, Secret Seven then on to David Edding’s incredible fantasy trilogies and of course Terry Pratchett’s hilarious life parody books. Having also dealt with all kinds of bullying both at home and at all 7 schools I went to, I’ve spent my years reading everything I can to learn how to overcome the damage done and these days I’m including books on business and money as I am working on developing a new business.

Life changing books

Books have taught me so much about myself and the world, helping me heal anxiety and depression, understand humanity and now how to build a successful business. I always want to know what successful people are reading or have read, so I’ve made a list of the books that have been the most instrumental to my evolution. I didn’t realise the list would be so full, 44 books in total and I’m sure I am forgetting some but these are the books I could remember and obviously some came instantly to mind because they made that much of an impression.

I’ve optimised the list so that each book links to it’s page on Amazon so that you can buy it immediately if you want*. I highly recommend every single book on this list but I also know that the right books come into our lives just when we need them. The most pivotal book in my life, Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl, practically jumped into my hands in a Waterstones years ago. I’ve since read that book a number of times and given a copy to all of my girlfriends. Trust me, it’s not as cheesy or offensive as it sounds!

Here’s a taster of what’s on the list.

If you would like a copy of this list, so that you can refer to it when you need something to read at various points in your life, sign up to my email list and I’ll have it sent over to you immediately. Once you’re signed up, you will become a part of the TDI inner circle and be the first to know about any new developments I have in the works (I have a FREE e-course launching next month!). I will definitely be needing beta testers of my future products so if you’re on my list, you may get the chance to try it out for free and give me your valuable feedback!

Sign up to my monthly newsletter and get my list of 44 books that have been instrumental in my awesome evolution!

* indicates required


Powered by MailChimp

*Full disclosure: the links to Amazon are affiliate links which mean I receive a very small commission for referring the book to you. This makes no change to your experience but I just want to be completely transparent as I value my tribe.

“Reading is everything. Reading makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, learned something, become a better person. Reading makes me smarter. Reading gives me something to talk about later on. Reading is the unbelievably healthy way my attention deficit disorder medicates itself. Reading is escape, and the opposite of escape; it’s a way to make contact with reality after a day of making things up, and it’s a way of making contact with someone else’s imagination after a day that’s all too real. Reading is grist. Reading is bliss.”

– Nora Ephron

Inspiration

Choose Your Headspace

October 21, 2014

fear mongering media

I make a point of never watching, reading or listening to the news. I don’t really watch terrestrial television unless there’s a documentary on, usually by Simon Reeve, but if the news comes on, I change the channel immediately. Same with the radio and I don’t buy the newspapers. I particularly loath the intrusion of those newspaper headline boards outside news agents and on streets, the ones that are so short you cant miss them. It’s offensive, because I like to choose my headspace.

The news media has an agenda to create as much fear in the general population as possible. Why? Because fear drives sales. Make people feel bad and they go out and buy stuff to make themselves feel better.

Also, when you fear, you become weak. You are more likely to make bad decisions because you are in a state of fear which is a state of disempowerment. Now what better way to run a country than to have your people living in a state of disempowerment. It would be very easy to do whatever you like, pass laws and break laws however you want because your people are too busy obsessing over things they are afraid of and buying stuff to make themselves feel better, as well as drowning out the scary feelings with inane chatter from reality “stars”, to be focused on what’s really going on.

It’s the classic bait and switch. The classic magician move of making you look in one place while they do something outside of your point of focus.

You have a choice

You can choose your headspace. You can choose what to pay attention to and what not to. And yes, people ask me, “but don’t you want to know what’s going on in the world?”, well, of course I do! But I don’t need to get my information from one biased source now do I? Why do you think I watch documentaries? Because they tell me what’s going on in the world without a heavy dose of coma inducing fear! And I can pick and choose what information I want to know about.

I absolutely do not need to know about every piece of negative news that the media has decided to tell me about on a daily basis. If it’s really important, really big news, I will hear about it. I spend 95% of my time online, I will see it in my Twitter or Facebook feed, if it’s truly life threatening, everyone will be talking about it! But why should I know about anxiety and depression triggering bad news all the time? Stuff that doesn’t affect me, it’s just bad stuff that happened that makes you feel bad and sad and sometimes even anxious and worried.

Fuck that.

You may think I’m choosing to look at life through rose coloured glasses but I can assure I am do not see life that way at all. I am prone to anxiety and depression so I choose my headspace because I martial it like a bouncer on steroids! That brat in my brain is always trying to sneak into my awesome nightclub and crash my party and I refuse to allow it any longer, so why let the bad news guys in?

Think for yourself

We have a choice, about everything in life. You can choose to be affected by people’s actions and words, or you can choose to let it go and keep moving. You can choose how you behave and react in every single moment of every day. I choose to keep my head clear of unnecessary information, especially negative information, there’s enough going on in my head not to add to it!

I choose to look at news and information that is beneficial to me, that grows me, that inspires me, that enlightens me. I have more than enough headspace for information that helps me evolve.

What do you think?

Liked this post? Share it with your friends and social media! 🙂

Inspiration

How To Own It

October 6, 2014

It's time to claim your place in the world

Goddamn self doubt. That shit just won’t quit! If it’s not me procrastinating left right and centre watching Youtube videos and reading blogs instead of putting myself out there, it’s someone else I admire owning up to being too scared to do something they want to do for fear of ridicule and rejection.

Life is just an experiment

This shit has got to stop. I don’t want to be cliché and say life is too short, or even that you “only live once” (which by the way I would contest, but that’s another story), so I’m going to tell you that it doesn’t freakin’ matter girl!

None. of. this. matters. Newp. When you die, it’s overs. Sure you will leave some people with some memories, maybe even build and create a legacy that will affect the experiences of other people’s lives, but ultimately, life is just an experiment and when it’s done, it’s gone so don’t take it so seriously.

Fuck what other people think

Our biggest obstacle in letting our lights shine is worrying what other people think. We see nasty comments on Youtube and our favourite people’s blogs and we cringe for their sake, and then we procrastinate about uploading that video or publishing that blog post. Our opinions become only ever voiced in the safe circles of our most trusted friends, we become boring. We become beige and beige is not bold.

[Tweet “Our biggest obstacle in letting our lights shine is worrying what other people think.”]

What other people think is just that, their thoughts, not actual facts. If they pick on something you’re insecure about, take it as a sign that it’s time you stop being insecure about that shit. Own it. Got a crooked nose/mouth/face? Own it. At least you’re not beige and boring babe! And also, I guarantee you there are people out there that will adore the very thing you’re being self conscious about so just pretend it’s your best feature and own.it.

Don't be beige and boring babe

Fake it to make it

Most of us aren’t born confident and many of us aren’t raised confident either. For too many of us it’s a constant struggle just to have a conversation with another human being. Ugh, what a waste.

I was absolutely NOT the sassy, loud mouthed, tell you my opinion that’s in my head girl you see today. I was bullied from the age of three, all the way till about 15 years old. I was verbally abused at home and I was a pimply faced, four eyed, socially awkward, hyper sensitive basket case of emotions and 28% autism scale girl. When I was in primary school, I absolutely thought the entire world was against my family, that there was some sort of conspiracy going on that was out to get us. I lived in constant fear of my father and the world and it was extremely difficult for me to make friends.

One day, in my 20’s I was at a nightclub with some new friends I had met after having moved to England from South Africa. That familiar paranoia crept in and I was sure they were all talking behind my back and just pretending to be nice to my face. Maybe it was the help of the ecstasy I took that night, but on that dance floor, I decided to pretend that I was on a movie set and that I was the girl I always wished I was – confident, happy and people loved me and that of course, no one was talking about me behind my back.

Well, it worked and letting myself out of my shell and claiming my space in the world changed my life. I pretended that I was who I really wanted to be and soon enough I learned that no one was talking behind my back, it was just all in my head and that not hiding myself away meant I could actually make friends.

Claim your place

Like I’ve said before, people will treat you how you let them treat you and if you don’t claim your place in the world, there isn’t going to be one ’cause no one’s going to give it to you.

But, you’re not going to step forward and say, “hey, this is my space, this is where I belong, and this is who I am” if you don’t feel like you deserve to. So that’s your first step. You gotta stop wasting energy worrying about what everybody thinks about you (because trust me, that’s what they’re doing about everybody else) and start using that energy to sing your own praises.

[Tweet “People will treat you how you let them treat you.”]

Listen to rap music

If you ever need to learn how to talk yourself up, listen to rap music. All they ever sing about is how awesome they are and how deserving they are of riches and bitches. But they’re on to something. You will never get anywhere in life if you don’t learn to feel deserving. You gotta give yourself credit girl. You like your hair, your eyes, even your butt? YASS girl, own it! You like your laugh, your business sense, your A grades? You go Glen Coco! You are allowed to be in the world! You are allowed to be loved and to do things that make you happy and you are allowed to be surrounded by people who think you’re the bees fucking knees. You are also allowed to give shitty people the boot. You are allowed to be good to yourself, think highly of yourself and put yourself out in the world.

Haters need hugs™

Yo, if you’re still worried about those keyboard trolls pissing on your project, have a little think about these people. Have you ever wondered why they feel the need to spit vitriol all over the place? Imagine what it must be like to be them. They can’t be happy, productive people because happy, productive people are too busy creating a life they love and supporting other people in creating lives they love to waste time decaying the internet.

These people need love, they need a good hug. Remind yourself, whatever crap they’ve spat is all about them and has nothing to do with you. However, if you take their shit personally, take it as a lesson, you need to get over that, you need to learn to own whatever it is they’re picking on or simply let it go. Choose your battles and send hugs to those who hate.

Personally, any time I see someone leaving irate all CAPS comments online, I usually say something like “damn dude, you sound like you need a hug :)”. Don’t forget the smilie, you’re sending love, not being judgemental. Believe me, it works.

[Tweet “Haters need hugs.”]

How to own it in 4 easy steps

  1. Decide that you are deserving of space in the world
  2. Give yourself credit and don’t be shy about it
  3. Understand where haters are coming from and send them hugs
  4. Just do it anyway because life is just an experiment

Bonus step, practice unattachment. Just choose not to be affected by other people’s opinions. It’s an incredibly liberating thing, choice. Use it.

*Hey girl, hey! If you loved this article, hit those share buttons below to send it to your social circles and you are more than welcome to share my images too!

Inspiration

Comparison Kills

September 15, 2014

SMD-selfcare

I just watched this brilliant poem by a young girl at 21 talking to her 16 year old self. In it, she says the above sentence: “stop comparing, start self-caring”.

Part of self doubt is having the nasty habit of comparing ourselves to others. I do it all the time. I want to be fabulous and pioneering like Gala Darling, have the opportunities that Zoe London gets to experience, travel like The Londoner and have a Youtube following like Melon Lady. How. do. they. do. it?

Well, they just do. They follow their noses and focus on themselves and what they want to create and put out into the world instead of what everyone else is doing. They are inspired and motivated by the people they admire, sure, but they don’t let other people’s highlight reel dim the drive of their own behind the scenes.

I am SO guilty of spending too much time wishing I was better and more talented and more fashionable and more popular instead of just BEING who I am and putting that out into the world, consistently and with all my heart. That kind of dedication, to yourself and your own passions are what grow your brand and your audience and eventually become what you can turn into a product for others to use, enjoy and be inspired by.

Part of self-care is being kind to ourselves, is being ok with where we’re at and how long it’s taking us and how hard it seems for each of us. I have really high expectations of myself and others and the world in general, it causes a lot of anxiety and sometimes depression when I feel like I’m just not getting anywhere, but I have to just breath and practice the Art of Just, just trust, just keep going.

We absolutely cannot be self made if we don’t self care first. Becoming a self made dame often means endless hours working on our businesses and being so into building something for ourselves that we forget to eat, to socialise, to move our bodies and this can bring our energy down and when your energy is down, you can trip onto a slippery slope of comparing yourself to those you think are better than you.

This is when we need to stop, go outside, take a bath, make our favourite meal, call a friend, breathe, switch off, journal and start again.

Just like taking a mega dose of Vitamin C when we feel a cold coming on, we gotta take care of ourselves in order not to catch comparisonitis!