For 20 years I have worked with people on a one to one basis as a personal trainer and coach and I would like to think that I have seen it all. Ok, perhaps not “all”, no-one sees all, but having worked with hundreds and hundreds of people, I learned to see clear trends of how we limit, destroy or reduce ourselves to the lowest common denominator. I saw how often the biggest obstacle standing in our way was, -you’ve guessed it-,… us! Even the most motivated or driven people were from time to time ruled by their doubts, their past or their inhibitions.

After a number of years working as a personal trainer I had figured out that getting healthy and fit had little to do with the body but everything to do with the stories we tell ourselves in our minds and the decisions we make. When I studied to become a coach the same fact struck me; we steer the ship, but more often than not we hand over the wheel or have little idea of where we are going.

After those 20 years had passed and the wind in my sails changed direction, I decided to write a book based on my experience of working with people. This book “The Body Bank” took 2 years to complete, but has attempted to sum up the lessons I learned from the people I was privileged enough to work with. I realised, bizarrely, that having worked in the wellbeing industry for such a long time, that I was not one of those who shouted “keep fit!”, “train hard!”, “stay young!” and who advocated cutting out dairy, running every morning, yoga poses at lunch breaks, detox every month, little red meat, no wine and absolutely no treats. Quite the contrary, I believe that results are long lasting when you work with your mind and body within the constrictions that life may pose on you. Everyone can have a healthier and more rewarding lifestyle, but it is essential that you pick out the bits that work for you and motivate you.

Here is a compilation of my top tips….

• Strict regimes never work, never ever. Set yourself up for success! People used to say to me that they were going to start losing weight, give up smoking, abandon chocolate, cut out alcohol and what’s more improve their self confidence, be positive and take on every opportunity that comes their way…. and all of that as from Monday…. Instead start with 1 or 2 things that you will stick to and you will be amazed by the energy you will get from making that a success. With that energy, you can attempt the next thing you may want to commit to.

• Eat regularly; have variety and balance in your diet. Food is the fuel for the tank that keeps your wonderful body and mind in great condition. Eat a good breakfast, stop and eat lunch and have your dinner well before 8pm if at all possible. Remember that sugar is your enemy, so take it easy with (simple) carbohydrates. Fats (good ones) are needed in your diet. Have protein in the way of fish, meat, pulses, eggs in your diet preferably with every meal. Enjoy your food, take time to eat it and don’t look upon it as “a plate of calories”. On days that you have more time, try out a new recipe or do some home cooking and get the family/friends around the table. Perhaps make an arrangement with yourself –however that best works for you- to eat healthily Mon-Fri, or to cut down on alcohol in the week, to have 2 chocolate treats a week only….  Make sure it is something that you can stick to though. Lastly, I don’t have to tell you that drinking water is essential. Try keeping a log one day noting down the water (or herbal teas, juices) you drink in comparison to the coffees/teas you have. Coffee and tea dehydrate, so you need to at least equate it with the same amount of fluid intake…preferably more for hydration!

• Keep your body and mind moving, the blood, oxygen and nutrients flowing, keep mobile and alive!
  The words “exercise”, “gym”, or “workout” can put people off and if you are not confident in those kinds of environments then I can totally understand why.  Having said that the human body was made to move and a stagnant or numb mind can hardly produce much good stuff. So keep moving in whichever way that suits you. You may like swimming, walking, cycling, an exercise class, rollerblading, dancing, martial arts…there is so much to chose from. The key here is to UNDER-promise and to OVER-deliver. This is how you do that: decide on an activity in the week that you can easily fit in, like going for a 30min swim and then do an activity over the weekend, again that you are 99% likely to do, like a 45 min bike ride (if that is your thing). In other words, you set a minimum. Anything that you do over and beyond that will feel like a great achievement and success.

• Get in the driver’s seat, believe in yourself and make a life plan.
  By knowing where you are going, you can never get lost, even if that means that your plans need adapting over time. Ask yourself: “What excites me?”, “What motivates me?”, “What would I do if nothing stood in my way?” You are the author of your own destiny so base your direction on the very things that light you up, give you energy and keep you developing. If others raise their eyebrows or if you end up going against the grain, then just remember that it’s your life to live and your life to give to whatever purpose that fulfils you!

Here! Here! I personally find myself often chastising myself for drinking too much, eating all that chocolate, crisps, not eating breakfast and especially for never doing any exercise…  But Im an all or nothing person so these tips are great for someone like me who needs to find a middle ground.  What about you?

The second video is Kris Carr, best selling author of her books on surviving and living with cancer by managing her health sustainably and taking her message to the world about how our current lifestyles are making us sick.  This video is almost an hour long but very important to watch, below are some notes I took while watching it.

• Participate in your own longevity and well being.
• Inflamation comes from what you’re eating, drinking and thinking.  Cut out negative food, drinks and thoughts.  Inflamation is illness and pain.
• Go gluten, dairy, meat and sugar free and watch your life turn around for the better.
• Swap white rice and pasta for brown rice, quinoa, millet and buckwheat.
• Cut out refined and processed food.  If its made in nature, eat it, if its made in a factory, dont eat it.
• Get a vision for your life and become a visionary.
• Your lympth system is your waste disposal unit but it doesnt work if you dont move, find a fun way to get yourself moving and raise your heartbeat every day in order to take out the trash.

It’s been too long since I featured someone who works for themselves doing what they love so today I bring you a good friend of mine, namely Gerard Watts who owns and runs Ekta Skateboards out of his home in Cornwall, UK.

How did you come about developing your own skate company? Was it something that you always wanted to do? Or did it just grow organically out of your love for skating?

I used to ride for FSU skateboards and Wheels back in 2003 – 2006 which was great, but the quality of the boards they were producing started to lack in quality and then some times, you wouldn’t receive any for such a long period of time.
I ended up quitting and was kind of in limbo, for a while, trying to work out what the hell to do.

One of my mates tried to do his own brand, but never really pushed it and I was thinking about doing a wheel company at the same time. Due to knowing people in the UK industry, I started to get some info about where to get samples from etc and slowly started to see if it was possible. To do a company how I thought it should be run, by not making the same mistakes FSU did with poor quality products.

So it kind of grew from there, but it isn’t something you can just do lightly, even getting samples is a nightmare and they ain’t free. Then everything spiraled out of control to where it is now. But it’s taken a lot of time and effort over the past 4 years.
And I’ve not even started yet.

Where did it all start?
I’ve always had a skateboard, weather it be a crappy thing that was useless back in my childhood and then kinda getting into it and begging my parents to get me a better one, as the years went by; as more and more of my friends started skating.
But back then, we didn’t know what we were doing. It was on and off for years growing up, as we used to do what all kids did and play football, going fishing etc and then finally got into it. All thanks to Jimmy Boyce and Ziggy, from hooking me up with boards to showing me 411vm.

You film your team skating and have done film studies at college, how do these skills help your company to grow / get a foot in the market?
I try not to film anymore, I’m more happier editing, but I will film when required.
No idea, to be honest, skateboarding is one weird industry as shit changes all the time, with what’s good and what’s bad trick wise and production wise.
I have a certain stance when it comes to how I want things to look, so my editing style has possibly shaped things more in that sense.

What do you think sets you apart in the current market?
We don’t have a set image, so we’re pretty much free to do what ever we want, with graphics and general direction, so that’s one thing. With the brand being around now for a few years, is always a good point and helps to keep us different.
But we try to do what everyone else isn’t doing.

How has the company grown since you started it?
The team has gotten bigger and we’re now in more stores across the entire UK and the website is getting checked out from all over Europe, but this is all down to getting shit out on the WWW and advertising in magazines. It’s grown in other ways, that it’s now actually official, we have a real bank account and an accountant to make sure that the tax man is happy.

Where do you want the company to go from here?
Just to continue in expanding year on year, I’m doing this slowly but surely as if you try and rush something, it’ll usually blow up in your face. But realistically to continue on the path it’s on now, as it’s getting more and more recognition and that’s great.
To keep on building up the distribution is one thing that I’ll be working on for the next few years.

Do you ever wish you had a 9-5?
I do, the UK scene isn’t in a strong enough condition to allow me to do this full time, so having a job is a deadcert way to be able to bail things out when shit hits the fan.
Hopefully once this supposed recession is over, everything will go back to normality.

What do you love about being your own boss?
That if anything goes wrong, I’m the one to blame and it’s no one else’s fault.
But it also means, I can just get on with it without worrying about someone not doing their job.

What would you say are the key things you need to be able to have/do to go it alone?
Caffeine and nicotine and being used to long days and nights working away, and to understand that this isn’t something that’ll work over night, in some instances it can but then, you have to be prepared for the flop, if you’re used to the good times; this shit takes years. But truthfully a damn good work ethic and to be prepared to take risks that may not pull off, and be ready to deal with the aftermaths!

What are you grateful for?
All the support from the stores and everyone who’s ever supported the company.

What would you like more of in your life?
More days in the week and better weather to be able to go out and skate, and a holiday.

Like Ekta Skateboards on Facebook.

I’ve been wearing some badass shoes… (Top shoes by Iron Fist from their ‘Manslayer’ range – I also have the thigh high boots and the calf length boots from this range!  Bottom shoes from Ash and unfortunately not very comfy to wear!)

And some badass costumes (red wig with lilac PVC worn to fetish Club Rub this weekend)

Having my feet massaged, A LOT, by eager foot loving men every weekend, FOR FREE.

Eating proper burgers at the coolest places, namely BYRON in Waterloo.  Not only are all the staff, cute, friendly and clued up on their sales techniques, but the venue is all rustic diner decor and OH MY GOD THE BURGERS!  Let me tell you, I have never had a more heavenly burger and I had the veggie version!  Delicious warm, oozing goats cheese on a plump, fresh Portobello mushroom with crisp baby spinach in the freshest, softest bun, oh my! I was in happy food heaven!

We even wrote them a love letter!

“There are times you see food and think, “I want that in, on and around my mouth”.  Your proper burgers do just that and truly satisfy.  Waterloo branch is best by far with great service, great rustic diner decor and good sales techniques by good looking staff”.

 

Our waitress told us all the staff were arguing about who we were referring to as good looking.  We didn’t tell them that they were ALL good looking, especially the cute Spanish looking chef de partie that caught my eye as I left with a wink!

Gawping at extremely expensive jewellery on New Bond Street, I hate to hazard a guess at how many houses/cars can be bought for the price of these jewels…

I adore big trees like this, they just beg to be climbed and remind me of a tree in my neighbour’s back yard when I was a kid that I used to fall asleep in.

I met kleinjinx for lunch last week while she was in London getting her wedding dress fitted.  We’ve been friends online for ages so it was awesome to finally meet her!

Marvelling at this silly “claim to fame“.  Stephen Fry was one of the first people to follow me years ago!  I know he follows like 52,000 people but still, he is like my 16th follower, so I think that counts as something! :p

On a whim, my friend and I bought the cheapest tickets to Zach Braff’s play All New People.  Our seats were a thinly padded bench at the very top of the theatre with no back rests, just a steel banister but we still enjoyed the play, it’s very funny and charming and a bit serious and existentialist in places and definitely worth catching before it ends at the end of April.

We also paid a visit to the Tate Modern (YAWN…!).  It’s weird that I come from an artistic family and love and appreciate art, but I just cant get the stuff at the Tate Modern…  I dont know if its conceptualist or contextualist, but Im looking at a piece of rock in a room and despite the indepth explanation of what it represents and its intention, I cant get over the fact its a rock in a room.  The only piece I liked was the big bathroom mirror that reflected us… Now THAT was a great picture!

You can follow me on Instagram @TheDameIntl.  Do you love Instagram as much as I do?  I must admit I was not a fan until recently, and now, I love it, but I always try to remember, quality over quantity!  Art over substance! Just because you can tweet/snap a pic, doesnt mean we should hey? xo

Im everything and nothing.

Yesterday I booked a one way flight to my home country South Africa leaving 8th May. Im going to volunteer on a horse ranch where they also rescue animals.

Why? Well, after four months of living in London, Ive had enough. I just cant do cities. The rife consumerism drains me, not to mention its overcrowded, expensive and lacking of humanity.

I CRAVE animal company and spending time in nature. I NEED to do something meaningful and helpful and worthwhile, so Im going, and Im not sure when Im coming back and thats just the beauty of making your own way in life.

If it doesnt make you happy, stop doing it and find what does.

Why didnt I just move back to sleepy, peaceful Cornwall? Because I want to experience disappearing. Unplugging. No make up, no fancy clothes, no hair dye or even hair dryers. And that means no Twitter, no Facebook, no Tumblr, no Internet. No mindless distractions.

Im an all or nothing person.

Like a pendulum I swing from one extreme to another hoping I’ll land somewhere on a middle ground some day, I think, after 33 years, I may be getting there. But I know what makes me tired, what makes me sad, what makes me feel hopeless and that’s city life. It’s the rat race that says I must give up 90% of my time and money and make do with what Im left with and try and enjoy my existance with that deal.

I dont bloody think so. And thats why I unplugged from the rat race so many years ago, but I thought, now that Im a budding writer and photographer and hopeful performer (or something), city life wouldnt be so bad.

But its the forcefulness of advertising and media that we are subjected to and mostly mindlessly accept that suffocates me. Watching people behave like animals and mindless drones, all around me, I cant take it.

So Im going to the bush, the outback, the nature, the loving, open arms of Mother Nature to find solace and peace and myself. To figure out what really matters and hopefully what the point of me is.

Im nervous. My country is not what it was when I left some 13 years ago. My colour is a minority there and my government is corrupt and inept. Our roads are unsafe to drive on and you have to drive everywhere due to the expanse. Our currency has lost it’s value and what used to cost coins now costs double didget notes.

But my country is wild and beautiful and free spirited and courageous. My people are friendly, accomodating and tolerant. We were raised with manners and respect and consideration for others.

I have no money, but I have friends and I am able bodied and willing to trade my helping hands for food and a place to sleep. And the bonus? I get to do all this while taking care of animals and being around good people.

So, this isn’t goodbye, Im sure I will find something to share with you while on my next adventure.  You never know what might happen!

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

An excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced”

But seriously.  In giving myself the freedom to do as I please, I now have the problem of having too much choice and no daily structure, so I tend to just float along on an addiction to constant stimulation (Tumblr) and spontaneous choice making.

Before, when I had a boss and a 9-5 or waitressing gig, I had routine and only a certain amount of my time was mine.  Now, I have all the time in the world and I dont know what to do with it!  I LOVE to take photographs, and I love to visit quirky places and meet unconventional people and I love to travel, and I love book shops and nature and, and, and…

And none of those things pay my bills.  So I have to apply myself to something in order to have the bills paid and thats where I fall short.  My eratic attention span means I cannot be consistent enough to satisfy an employer and I am yet to be employed in a position doing something that engages me long enough to keep my attention…  Apart from being a strip pub dancer in Australia – that was a riot!

I even lost focus with this here website.  When I began to explain to my mom what I do with it, the intention became clear.  This website is intended for women who think for themselves.  Its for women like me, who dont plug into the status quo, who dress for themselves and find it hard to find anything to buy in the fashion stores because the current trend never quite fits our aesthetic.  This website is for women like me who never buy “women’s magazines” because just looking at the covers makes us think, “what a load of bullshit”.  This website is for women who dont like being told what to do or feeling obligated to anything.

And this website is for women who are beginning to figure out that maybe they arent who they thought they were, that maybe being everything everyone else wants them to be isnt ticking their pleasure box anymore and find inspiration from those women like me, who make their own way in life to the beat of their own drum.

I do whatever I want, whenever I want yes, but unfortunately, that costs money.  So where does the line get drawn between selling out and my own autonomy?  Having a boss and a “real job” terrifies me but without it, I live on the bread line.

I am talented, inquisitive and game for adventure.  Let’s hope this year brings me a way to indulge all those things while also being paid to do so!

Do you have these problems too?  Staying focused and applying yourself?  Have you found a way to deal with them?  Id love to know how you do it!

Yesterday my newest interviewee and I went to the park to do the interview and discovered a whole world of graffiti art…

I bought a new hat this weekend

Currently corset training, they are NOT fun to wear…

I went to a fetish club on Friday night wearing fully fashioned seamed stockings and Louboutins…

Mmmm, lunch!

I love throwing together whatever I have in the kitchen, it always turns out delicious!

MUST HAVE these gorgeous boxes! From a store in Spitalfields.

You don’t have to settle, it’s simply a choice you make every day.  If you feel like you’re running in place there’s a good chance you’re tolerating things you shouldn’t be.  It’s time to reclaim your life.

Starting now, stop tolerating…

1. People who bring you down. – Relationships should help you, not hurt you.  Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.

2. A work environment or career field you hate. – Don’t settle on the first or second career field you dabble in.  Keep searching.  Eventually you will find work you love to do.  If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop.  You’re on to something big.  Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.

3. Your own negativity. – Be aware of your mental self-talk.  We all talk silently to ourselves in our heads, but we aren’t always conscious of what we’re saying or how it’s affecting us.  Start listening to your thoughts.  If you hear negative thoughts, stop and replace them with positive thoughts.

4. Unnecessary miscommunication. – Say what you mean.  Mean what you say.  Speak clearly.  Ask questions.  Clarify things until you understand them.

5. A disorganized living and working space. – Clear the clutter.  Get rid of stuff you don’t use.  Read David Allen’s book Getting Things Donefor some practical organizational guidance.

6. Your own tardiness. – Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man.  That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness and other unnecessary headaches.

7. Pressure to fit in with the crowd. – Oftentimes, the only reason others want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.  Don’t conform.  Be you, because that’s the only person you can be.

8. An unhealthy body. – Your health is your life.  Don’t let it go.  Eat right, exercise and get an annual physical check-up.  The 4-Hour Body is an insightful and entertaining read on this topic.

9. Fear of change. – Life is change.  Every day is different.  Every day is a new beginning and a new ending.  Embrace it and make the best of it.

10. All work and no play. – Enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.  If you’re smiling, you’re doing something right.

11. People or beauty ads that make you feel inadequate. – Good looks attracts the eyes.  Personality attracts the heart.  Be proud to be you.  You are already beautiful.

12. Not getting enough sleep. – A tired mind is rarely productive.

13. Doing the same exact thing over and over again. – You are the sum of your life experiences.  The more you experience, the more interesting your life story gets.

14. Personal greed. – Don’t let greed and deceit get the best of you.  Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.

15. A mounting pile of debt. – Always live well below your means.  Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.  Always sleep on big purchases.  Create a budget and savings plan and stick to them.

16. Dishonesty. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless.  Period.  Don’t be dishonest and don’t put up with people who are.

17. Infidelity. – Intimate relationships are a sacred bond – a circle of trust.  If both parties aren’t 100% onboard the relationship isn’t worth fighting for.

18. An unsafe home. – If you don’t feel safe at home you’ll never feel safe anywhere.  Build a loving household in a safe area that you are proud to call ‘home.’

19. Being unprepared. – Life is unpredictable.  And there’s a big difference between being scared and being prepared.  Always be prepared.

20. Inaction. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities or someone else will.  You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it.

And remember, you only live once, but if you live it right once is enough.