How To Own It

October 6, 2014

It's time to claim your place in the world

Goddamn self doubt. That shit just won’t quit! If it’s not me procrastinating left right and centre watching Youtube videos and reading blogs instead of putting myself out there, it’s someone else I admire owning up to being too scared to do something they want to do for fear of ridicule and rejection.

Life is just an experiment

This shit has got to stop. I don’t want to be cliché and say life is too short, or even that you “only live once” (which by the way I would contest, but that’s another story), so I’m going to tell you that it doesn’t freakin’ matter girl!

None. of. this. matters. Newp. When you die, it’s overs. Sure you will leave some people with some memories, maybe even build and create a legacy that will affect the experiences of other people’s lives, but ultimately, life is just an experiment and when it’s done, it’s gone so don’t take it so seriously.

Fuck what other people think

Our biggest obstacle in letting our lights shine is worrying what other people think. We see nasty comments on Youtube and our favourite people’s blogs and we cringe for their sake, and then we procrastinate about uploading that video or publishing that blog post. Our opinions become only ever voiced in the safe circles of our most trusted friends, we become boring. We become beige and beige is not bold.

[Tweet “Our biggest obstacle in letting our lights shine is worrying what other people think.”]

What other people think is just that, their thoughts, not actual facts. If they pick on something you’re insecure about, take it as a sign that it’s time you stop being insecure about that shit. Own it. Got a crooked nose/mouth/face? Own it. At least you’re not beige and boring babe! And also, I guarantee you there are people out there that will adore the very thing you’re being self conscious about so just pretend it’s your best feature and

Don't be beige and boring babe

Fake it to make it

Most of us aren’t born confident and many of us aren’t raised confident either. For too many of us it’s a constant struggle just to have a conversation with another human being. Ugh, what a waste.

I was absolutely NOT the sassy, loud mouthed, tell you my opinion that’s in my head girl you see today. I was bullied from the age of three, all the way till about 15 years old. I was verbally abused at home and I was a pimply faced, four eyed, socially awkward, hyper sensitive basket case of emotions and 28% autism scale girl. When I was in primary school, I absolutely thought the entire world was against my family, that there was some sort of conspiracy going on that was out to get us. I lived in constant fear of my father and the world and it was extremely difficult for me to make friends.

One day, in my 20’s I was at a nightclub with some new friends I had met after having moved to England from South Africa. That familiar paranoia crept in and I was sure they were all talking behind my back and just pretending to be nice to my face. Maybe it was the help of the ecstasy I took that night, but on that dance floor, I decided to pretend that I was on a movie set and that I was the girl I always wished I was – confident, happy and people loved me and that of course, no one was talking about me behind my back.

Well, it worked and letting myself out of my shell and claiming my space in the world changed my life. I pretended that I was who I really wanted to be and soon enough I learned that no one was talking behind my back, it was just all in my head and that not hiding myself away meant I could actually make friends.

Claim your place

Like I’ve said before, people will treat you how you let them treat you and if you don’t claim your place in the world, there isn’t going to be one ’cause no one’s going to give it to you.

But, you’re not going to step forward and say, “hey, this is my space, this is where I belong, and this is who I am” if you don’t feel like you deserve to. So that’s your first step. You gotta stop wasting energy worrying about what everybody thinks about you (because trust me, that’s what they’re doing about everybody else) and start using that energy to sing your own praises.

[Tweet “People will treat you how you let them treat you.”]

Listen to rap music

If you ever need to learn how to talk yourself up, listen to rap music. All they ever sing about is how awesome they are and how deserving they are of riches and bitches. But they’re on to something. You will never get anywhere in life if you don’t learn to feel deserving. You gotta give yourself credit girl. You like your hair, your eyes, even your butt? YASS girl, own it! You like your laugh, your business sense, your A grades? You go Glen Coco! You are allowed to be in the world! You are allowed to be loved and to do things that make you happy and you are allowed to be surrounded by people who think you’re the bees fucking knees. You are also allowed to give shitty people the boot. You are allowed to be good to yourself, think highly of yourself and put yourself out in the world.

Haters need hugs™

Yo, if you’re still worried about those keyboard trolls pissing on your project, have a little think about these people. Have you ever wondered why they feel the need to spit vitriol all over the place? Imagine what it must be like to be them. They can’t be happy, productive people because happy, productive people are too busy creating a life they love and supporting other people in creating lives they love to waste time decaying the internet.

These people need love, they need a good hug. Remind yourself, whatever crap they’ve spat is all about them and has nothing to do with you. However, if you take their shit personally, take it as a lesson, you need to get over that, you need to learn to own whatever it is they’re picking on or simply let it go. Choose your battles and send hugs to those who hate.

Personally, any time I see someone leaving irate all CAPS comments online, I usually say something like “damn dude, you sound like you need a hug :)”. Don’t forget the smilie, you’re sending love, not being judgemental. Believe me, it works.

[Tweet “Haters need hugs.”]

How to own it in 4 easy steps

  1. Decide that you are deserving of space in the world
  2. Give yourself credit and don’t be shy about it
  3. Understand where haters are coming from and send them hugs
  4. Just do it anyway because life is just an experiment

Bonus step, practice unattachment. Just choose not to be affected by other people’s opinions. It’s an incredibly liberating thing, choice. Use it.

*Hey girl, hey! If you loved this article, hit those share buttons below to send it to your social circles and you are more than welcome to share my images too!

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  • Yoneco Evans October 9, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    “You are allowed to give shitty people the boot.” I took me soooo long to accept and act on that. I love your posts!

    • The Dame October 16, 2014 at 12:12 am

      Right Yoneco? (Awesome name by the way!) man we waste so much time thinking we gotta play nice with everyone! Life is better when you put your sanity first <3

  • Lyn Delmastro October 10, 2014 at 12:15 am

    Love your sassy attitude! Worrying about what others think is definitely a big struggle so I love this!

    • The Dame October 16, 2014 at 12:12 am

      I still struggle with it and that’s why I write this, it’s as much to my audience as it is to me 🙂

  • Kristen October 10, 2014 at 6:05 am

    The ‘Listen to Rap Music’ section was THE BEST. It’s true. They don’t give a damn. They just write about how fantastic they are… and we all deserve that gumption and… self-love? Idk what Lil Wayne would call it, but whatever. Loved this post and thanks for the reminder 🙂

    • The Dame October 16, 2014 at 12:11 am

      Thanks for the comment Kristen, I always put on rap music when I need a confidence boost! 😀

  • Sam Weatherley October 10, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    I love this post! I struggle with anxiety every day and I constantly second guess myself. I see opportunities arise for bloggers that I could apply for, but I don’t because I think other bloggers will see my name and think “what on earth has she applied for.” I worry about what others think of me in every single action I make – be it at work, at home, driving, shopping you name it, I worry about it!
    Your post has inspired me to be stronger, to have some self-belief and to stop caring so much about what others think of me. Thank you for giving me a bit of a kick up the bum to change the way I think. xx

    • The Dame October 16, 2014 at 12:11 am

      Hey Sam, Im so glad I could help to inspire you to stop caring what other people think and start focusing on what you’re great at (and there’s plenty, I promise!) Go on with your bad self! xx

  • Positively Fresh October 18, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Thank you for this article – exactly what I needed today 🙂