I Hate Myself And Want To Die – How To Change Your Thinking

December 13, 2012

So I came across this little blurb someone wrote on their Tumblr that got reblogged by every person who feels the same way and it was just one in a list of similar low self esteem stuff that was showing up on my dashboard that night.

Here is said blurb:

do you ever just feel like you’re just completely worthless and unattractive on a physical and emotional level and you’re just never good enough because there’s always someone else that overpowers you with their pretty face and personality and you just instantly back down because you feel you have literally nothing to fight against with

14500+ people reblogged this negative vomit (and in the time it took me to write this post, it was reblogged 100 more times).  And this is just the tip of the iceberg of self hate we are drowning in today.  So my, tough-love reply, went something like this:

You do this to yourself. No one makes you think these thoughts about yourself, you choose to think this shit based on what media you allow into your world and all the other nasty tricks society uses to make you a self-hating addicted consumer. UNDERSTAND THIS. Each and every one of us is worthy of being alive, being heard and being whoever the hell we want to be. Stop putting the people you think are better than you on a pedestal and get busy being yourself. At that point you wont have time for this trifelin’ shit because youre too damn busy ENJOYING life, and if you dont yet know what you enjoy doing, stop wasting time being a damn misery and telling yourself all this goddam negative shit and go and FIND OUT what makes you feel good. FOR F&#KS SAKE. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am saying this stuff as much to myself as I am to the 14500 people who reblogged it and will read my retort.  We all deal with negative thoughts on a daily basis and as time goes by, and our society gets more and more sick and twisted, we have to deal with it on an ever increasing scale.

But where is the balancing education?  Sure there are wonderful people online blogging about self-love, people like Gala Darling with her Radical Self Love movement, but why is this stuff not taught in schools and magazines?

Why are we seeing such a high rate of teenage suicide and self-harm and eating disorders and this tripe being typed out on people’s blogs and reblogged by too many people?  Do we ever stop to ask ourselves why we are having these negative thoughts?  Or even where they come from?

We are not born hating ourselves.  It is something that we learn.  And we can unlearn things. My whole life, for one, has been a process of un-learning and rebuilding.

You know from years of depression, I’ve had to figure out where it comes from and what triggers it and it always, ALWAYS boils down to negative thinking.  When I figured that out, I was able to watch my thoughts like a hawk and most of the time, but not always, I would catch that red herring and smother it with a gratitude list until I had no space in my head for a negative thought.

The next step was to think about why I had that negative thought from an objective point of view and only when I felt far enough removed from the thought.  Where did it come from?  Why would I think that?  Is it actually true? (By the way, you decide what is true for you), and do I want it to be true?

When you start understanding that you choose how you feel and what you think of yourself, you realise that you are in control.  You control how you react to things and those things can be what other people say or do but also, what you say and do.

Ask yourself this, if you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself in your head, do you think you would have any friends? I don’t think so!  So why treat yourself worse than you do your friends?

If loving yourself is a foreign subject to you (and it was for me for a very long time), start with making friends with yourself (more on this in a later post, in the meantime, start with People Will Treat You How You Let Them Lesson One and Two).


  • Don’t believe everything you think.
  • Question everything you think you believe.
  • Understand that you choose how you feel and react to everything.
  • You are in control of you.


What do you do to combat negative thinking? Can you let us know in the comments to encourage other people struggling with negative self image?  And if you know someone who might need to read this post, send it to them.

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  • Cassie December 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Now, if only your reply would be reblogged 14,500+ times. PREACH IT.

    • The Dame December 13, 2012 at 7:12 pm

      Ah phew! Ive been second guessing this post all day haha! Feel a bit better about it now, sometimes I can get really “ranty”! Thanks for your comment Cassie 🙂

  • Phil December 13, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Hear Hear! Glad you too an alternative approach and fired back. You spoke exactly as I feel about this. It’s also the media too with all their negative news coverage. The negativity is everywhere. It’s up to us to stop feeding into it and make our lives happy and bearable.

    Another one – “Believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see.”

  • rebecca December 20, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    There’s a couple of books that rarely leave my bedside table and I’ve given them both as gifts to friends, family, coworkers who could use them. They are “Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy” by Dr. David Burns and “A New Earth” by Eckart Tolle. These books have changed my life.

    • The Dame December 20, 2012 at 9:14 pm

      Thanks for the recommendations Rebecca! xo

  • This Week On The Web - The Dame | The Dame December 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

    […] around to for ages.  It definitely is an eye opening book and chapter two explains the origin of negative thinking and depression which can be a great help to those of us who suffer from this.  It is not an easy […]

  • manuel January 11, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    I just wanted to believe that I would love me has you say, but “no can do”!

    I try to search for a answer but nothing is satisfying to me.

  • anonymous-coward July 25, 2013 at 2:53 am

    Thank you