When Do You Learn To Stop Trying To Make Other People Happy And Start Making Yourself Happy

February 2, 2013

So someone found my site by searching the phrase “when do you learn to stop trying to make other people happy and start making yourself happy” and immediately my answer was…

you come first

When you decide to!

It really is that simple!  It doesn’t take much thought or work, you simple decide it’s time for you, it’s time you took care of yourself first, it’s time you stopped letting others take advantage of you.

You grow a back bone.

But growing a back bone means you’re gonna have to start actually valuing yourself.  Seeing yourself as worthwhile and deserving of feeling good and being treated right.  Too many people don’t feel this way.  A lot of it is because of our media today constantly bombarding us with messages that we aren’t good enough.  It’s up to you to ignore those messages and work on figuring out what you love about yourself.  And don’t you dare say there is nothing to love about you, you liar!  Stop victimizing yourself!

It isn’t your job to make other people happy.

And if you go around thinking that, you will soon become a slave to other people’s happiness, dependent on their reaction to your existence.  What an awful way to live! It’s no wonder you’re asking questions about how to stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself instead!  You know it feels bad to live for other people and forget about yourself. I’ve seen so many good women fall to pieces (my mother and best friend) because they put everyone else before themselves.  When you forget to take care of yourself, eventually there is nothing left of you to even take care of everyone else!  Hello!

It isn’t the job of other people to make you happy either.

I learnt this lesson, thankfully, at a young age.  I was dating a guy right out of high school who was a couple years older than me and I doted on him like no ones business, my whole existence depended on whether or not he was happy with me.  I soon learned this is a pretty unrewarding way to live.  It isn’t fair to put that kind of pressure on someone else, to expect them to make you feel good all the time without any work of your own.  And it isn’t cool for people to do that to you either.  It’s a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

Everyone wins when you’re happy and confident in yourself.

When you learn that you deserve to take care of yourself and put yourself first so that you can be there for everyone else, everyone wins.  People respect you because respect yourself, they respect your need for space and me time, they understand that you need time to replenish so that you can be there for you, and if they don’t, they are not the kind of people you want in your life.

Growing a back bone means deleting people who bring you down from your life.

As I have said many times before, people will treat you how you let them treat you, your life is up to you!  You choose, you decide, take back the power and if you’re a girl with this issue, the book that changed my life was Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat To Dream Girl.  Don’t be put off by the title, the book is really loving and shows you why you deserve to be treated well, it was the first time I got a lesson in self respect, I recommend it to everyone and have given it to all my girlfriends 🙂

It’s time you learned how to have an amazing relationship with yourself 😉


The Dame

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  • Phil February 3, 2013 at 4:44 am

    Terrific post and so true! So many of us always try to make others happy and we neglect our own lives in the process. We need to be happy first. Also, many years ago I did just that and got rid of the hurtful people in my life. It’s so much better.

    • The Dame February 3, 2013 at 10:59 pm

      Well done Phil 🙂