Hi, Dame! You always give great advice and was hoping you’d be able to give me some too. I went on a handful of dates with this guy I met, but he suddenly stopped replying to my texts and clearly is no longer keen. I finally deleted him off facebook, but realised that I have a problem in letting go. I want to go into 2013 feeling empowered and happy, not with a self-esteem low enough for me to feel bummed about letting a guy who isn’t good for me, go. Advice on self-confidence and letting go?
Oh honey, right now is a shitty place to be, but everything changes, and you are already one step closer to getting back to Warrior Goddess mode because you deleted him off Facebook, good girl! Now delete him from your phone or change his name to ‘DO NOT ANSWER’ because there is a slight possibility he may call you drunk one night because he wants attention and maybe more.
OR, maybe he thinks he’s not good enough for you? You just never know unless they tell you and that is basically like squeezing water from a stone. The majority of men don’t soul search like we women do and so aren’t that aware of why they do the things they do so have no clue how to tell you if you ask them. Better not to waste your energy because that energy is better spent on taking care of you.
Being ignored by someone you like sucks super hard. It has happened to me countless times, it hurts, but you can choose how you feel about it and how you work it.
When I was a stripper, I had to grow a thick skin, really quickly. You put all this effort into looking your best, and then release yourself into a room full of strange men who are there for various reasons, not all of them positive, and you have to go and sell, like a madwoman to make it all worthwhile. You have to walk up to complete strangers who already have an idea about you and sell them on spending time with you, nakey. I would say, 85% of the time, I was told no, or worse and when you have bills to pay and have already spent money just to work that night (dancers pay the clubs to work), it can get stressful and start to play on your mind, especially when you are surrounded by lots of other gorgeous girls who are selling.
So I had to to come up with a plan and one night, I started to think of the club floor like a game of Minesweeper. Every no, brought me closer to a yes. That’s what kept me going and when I got my yes, it raised my confidence and got the ball rolling and when I was feeling confident and happy, I made mega bucks because all the guys were thinking “hey, that girl is super cool and popular, she must have something I want”. This is now how I think and react whenever I get shunned in real life (what we used to call life outside of the club haha).
If one guy ignores you, he dumb sistah. Don’t toothpick every single thing you said and did around him to try and figure it out. Guys are really simplistic creatures, you may have said or done something that didn’t compute in his brain and that’s what made him choose otherwise, but that is not your fault, that’s how he is wired and if he aint wired to adore you, then you don’t want to waste your time with him! Believe me!
Now you are free to be your awesome Warrior Goddess self that will attract all the boys thirsty for your special brand of milkshake because you do your own thing and they come second and have to fit into your life.
Are you going to be a worrier, or a Warrior?
Books that helped me understand myself and relationships better are Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (this book changed my life) and Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love or Never Call Back.