Reader Question: How Do I Become A Strong Independent Woman?
I’ve followed you for quite some time now and I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely admire you. I’m 23 and have always wished for the courage to be an independent, strong woman, out on my own, yet I have always fallen back to dating another guy, or depending on someone else for some sort of happiness. Did you ever struggle with the same problem?
Hi honey, thank you for your message and kind words. Yes, of course I have had the same problem! I wasn’t the badass I am now without much trial and error, humiliation and regretful mistakes, believe me! But over the years, I have put in the work to improve myself and be better at life. I grew up in a poor and abusive home, took party drugs for ten years and have an every day battle with negative thinking and keeping depression at bay.
Reading Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov changed my life. Before I read that book, I would drive to a guy’s house at 3am because he booty called me, then the next day I would clean his apartment and do his laundry! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?!?!? I shudder to think of all the other ways I completely disrespected myself and let men have their way with my heart. That book spoke to me like the big sister or mom I never had and explained to me why I am worthwhile and how to make sure I get treated with respect, after I fully understood why I deserved that respect.
I have given this book to every one of my girlfriends and recommended it to anyone who will listen. But again, that book was the start of me learning to respect myself and go after what I want in life.
I have always been a free thinker. I was raised a christian but religion turned up a lot of questions for me and when I found out that it is man made and I’m supposed to do what some dudes thousands of years ago decided was the law, just did not cut it. I have always been fiercely independent in that way, but then I am Aquarian and we hate being told what to do or to be tied down!
I have always read books, since I was 18 months old, and I mostly read self improvement books. I have a better handle on anxiety and depression and panic attacks now since I read a bunch of books on that stuff. Try this one and this one.
I do the work and I think for myself and I’m not afraid to be honest with myself no matter how much it hurts. It takes time, and trial and error, and even though I have come a very long way from a severely paranoid girl who couldn’t take a compliment to a woman who has been a naked-on-stage stripper and a dominatrix bossing men around, I still have a very long way to go.
I make my own rules, I don’t ask permission, I explore and experiment with places, people, jobs and myself. I am vigilant of people’s behaviour and my own feelings and reactions to things. I am always curious and questioning. And usually pretty hard on myself and others. I’m working on that.
The bottom line is, you decide. You choose. Your life is up to you. You make it whatever you want it to be, no excuses. If you keep making the same mistake, figure out why. There are hundreds of people who have been through the same thing you have and have even written blogs and books about it. Get reading, do the work that helps you figure out how to win at life.
Good luck babe, go get ‘em! xo