A Guy’s Guide To Approaching Strange Women Without Being Maced

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

 

An excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced

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If You’re Not A Feminist, You’re Ignorant

This morning I woke up thinking about Feminism.  Yes, that scary “F” word most people know nothing about.  I didnt know anything about it either once.  I was also the person who thought it was bad to be seen as a Feminist.

And then I came across this:

The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”

Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:

“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”

The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.

Why I Am A Male Feminist

When I was researching what it is to be a Dominatrix, I came across my first Feminist writings.  I learned a lot.  I learned about my history, i.e. Women’s History.  It dawned on me that we are not taught the history of women in schools.  We have no idea who we are or where we come from unless we take it upon ourselves to learn this knowledge.  Its not included in History class, or at least it wasnt in the late 90s when I was in high school.

I never knew there were amazing women who invented things we rely on and take for granted today, or women who fought in the world wars and essentially kept their countries going because of their dedication and hard work.

I never knew the crushing patriarchal system I lived in, that we still live in.  It may be common knowledge now, but I didnt know that women are still being paid less for doing the same job as their male colleagues!  Doesnt that one fact enrage you!?  And why is this allowed?  Because WE DONT KNOW its happening.

Feminism has been given such a bad name that we unknowling shun the very thing that seeks to educate us to the persistent wrongs being done to women to this very day.  Wrongs we are allowing because we dont know any better because we arent learning or being taught because we’ve been made to think that Feminism is bad.

My friends, Feminism will free us all from the constraints we live under.  Feminism is about educating women to the attrocities done to us over the millenia, the atrocities still being done to us in blatant media and society without us even really realising and how it is effecting us as a society.  Not allowing women their full potential is crippling our systems and most importantly the woman we all live on – Mother Earth.

Im still learning about what it means to be a woman and what a woman is OUTSIDE of the parameters of the male definition of women.

This week Ive been watching Dollhouse with my flatmate.  While I love the ass kicking the girls give in the show, it is written with men in mind.  I love everything that makes me feel empowered as a woman, but not when that woman is being an ass kicking babe defined by what is attractive to a man.

Another example: chatting to a couple male friends while they do some DIY about how they should wear nothing but tool belts and they comment on how they’re not gay, no one wants to see that! Um, hello, women have tastes too you know!  If you do any Feminist reading, you will understand what I mean here because you will be taught about how we, as a society, view women.  As non essentials, as second class citizens, as products, objects to be used for male entertainment, as essentially empty and malleable and subconsciously put on a shelf till needed.  See here for an example.

Its unfortunate that so many of us women have no idea who we are and where we come from and what we are capable of or what we deserve.

My entire life I have been bold and forthright and big mouthed and passionate about the things I believe in because I dont just believe anything.  I make up my own mind and before I do that, I put in a lot of research.  I am unafraid to say it like it is.  To “go there”, to shake you up and rock your boat.  I have been through so much hardship in my life, I can handle the backlash because I now have understanding and Im constantly learning and evolving and I am passionate about educating women, enlightening women and leading women into a new era where we stake our rightful claim on what we deserve.

I would like to see more women educating others, male and female.  Simple things like when someone says “stop being such a pussy”.  That sentence right there is derogatory.  It implies that women are weak, which we most certainly are NOT.  How about we say “stop being such a penis” – it would make more sense right?  I mean, pussy can take much more than any penis could!  Things like “you hit like a girl”, again, I would hit as well as any man if I were ever taught how, but being raised a girl, we are limited by societal ideas of what a woman should be.

I dont hate men, I like to wear heels and short skirts, hell I was a stripper once!  I am pro-women, not anti-male.  I am FOR empowering, enlightening and educating women.  I am FOR making up your own mind, thinking for yourself and doing what makes you happy.  

In the past few months I’ve been learning about “slut-shaming” and re-educating people on rape culture (can you believe there is a culture of rape!?) summarized in the picture above.  This stuff is important.  We all do it without even knowing how damaging it is to us as a society as a whole.  Feminism is not just for women, it is very much so for men.  The more male feminists there are, the better.  Feminism is a means of education and knowledge is power.  What does that tell you?

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Misogyny In Media and How To Recognise It

The following comment is by CokeTalk and raises an important point about how women are still blatantly degraded and shamed in mass media, in turn educating us to how we should view ourselves as women, other women and how men should view us, whether we know it or not.

This may be a campaign about HIV/AIDS awareness, but that’s no excuse. This is blatant misogyny, really sinister stuff that conveys a much more profound message about the female body.

Take another look at it. She’s got a killer smile, but still, you can’t see her eyes. The model is cropped so that she’s essentially headless. What makes her human is gone. What makes her a woman is on display. That’s a very deliberate creative choice.

She is an object to be fucked without a brain or an identity. Worse still, her vagina is a fully indexed destination on a Google map. The visual metaphor is so potent (and porn is so ubiquitous) that this image is more jarring than one in which she shows us her actual pussy.

It’s not about the fact that she’s had sex with Bill Johnson and 19 others. Who gives a fuck? What’s toxic is the idea that they checked into her vagina on Foursquare. It’s saying that her private parts aren’t private at all. They’re public. That’s the implicit message in this image, and it’s degrading as hell.

It’s not slut-shaming so much as it’s female-shaming, and it reinforces the age-old cultural narrative that women’s bodies aren’t their own.

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Why You’re Offended By Rihanna’s Crotch Grabbing

Even I, an open minded liberal, felt all the crotch grabbing in Rihanna’s You Da One video a bit in your face.

But I know why.

Because we never see it!  We never see women in control of their sexuality! This video is kind of the equavilant of the beginning of Madonna’s career, or Mae West back in the 1940′s.  Women in charge of and celebrating their sexual power is ALWAYS shocking.

It’s not bad, it’s just not usual.

When we realise we the product of thousands of years of female repression, we can better understand why we feel offended to whatever degree by in your face female sexuality.

Female sexuality. I mean, who really knows what that is?  And isn’t that just a shame?  I mean, we know what it is when it’s an idea in a man’s head.  Sure, we know how to be sexy to the male.  But what about sexy for us?  What about horny for ourselves?  What about just fully in love with our magnificent power!?

Hello, if you think about it, pussy IS the most powerful weapon on the planet.  Through the ages pussy has started and ended wars.  And yet, we are so up our own arses about our weight, our looks, our success, our doubts, our what-ifs that we have NO IDEA that we are the very thing the world needs to completely change around.

Like the saying goes, the man makes the decisions, but the woman turns the head.

So, when we see a woman celebrating her sexuality, it is shocking to us because we are not used to seeing such incredible power. We know what masculine power looks like to the moon and back but feminine power is new to us.

I say grab that crotch, show me what you got, show everyone, let them be scared, shake them up, INSPIRE us so we can harness our wild feminine horses and change the world!

To understand this more thoroughly, I recommend reading the following post by a Female Dominant.  Her website is not safe for work.

What do you think?

not: Used with an auxiliary verb or “be” to form the negative
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My Dream Is That Women Aim To Be Strong Not Skinny

My dream is that women aim to be strong, not skinny and by that I dont mean in body only, I mean in mind and heart.

I mean that if you are attacked verbally or physically for saying no, you are strong enough to fight back or defend yourself and strong enough not to be wounded in your heart.

Women are leaders, men take our queue and they treat us how we let them, its up to YOU to decide what happens around you and until you realise what it really means to be born female, you will always be a victim.

DISCOVER YOURSELF.

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