The Pro’s and Con’s of Being 30 Something (And Childless)

April 29, 2015

The pro's and con's of being 30 something

In one of the blogging groups I’m in on Facebook I put a call out for 30-something childless (by choice) bloggers because I feel like everywhere I look I see either 20-something fashion and beauty bloggers, or mummy bloggers. There are very few bloggers, that I’ve so far discovered, that fall into a niche that I relate to. I like to look for unconventional and edgy bloggers who are not only focused on fashion and beauty but who also have a distinct style, opinion and ambition.

So many lovely ladies put their hand up in the group and I spent a happy afternoon browsing their blogs. One such blogger had this video of her singing about being 30 and it inspired me to write this post about the pro’s and con’s of being 30 something.

The Pro’s

  • You no longer have that angst you suffered all through your 20’s, it’s as though on your 30th birthday you woke up and just no longer gave a fuck about anyone’s opinions.
  • You’re vastly more accepting of your flaws as well as fiercely protective of your boundaries and desires.
  • You also no longer really care about clothing sizes because you know from experience that one brand’s size 14 is another brand’s size 16 and yet another brand’s size 12 (oh happy days!).
  • You know your style and what kinds of clothing suits you.
  • Same goes for beauty products, you know your skin and you’ve spent years trailing all manner of potions, now you have just a handful of simple things that your skin loves but ultimately you know it’s not just about what you put on your skin, but more importantly what you put in your body and how you live your life.
  • You can travel whenever you want, for however long you want (especially if you have a location independent business).
  • Sex is even better because you know your body, you know what you like and you don’t give a fuck if you accidentally queef.
  • You can spot and swerve a fuckboy a mile off.

The Con’s

  • Suddenly you’re invisible. The rubber necking you got used to in your 20’s ceases. When you walk into the club, nobody pays attention to you like they used to. That’s strictly for the lithe 20 year olds.
  • Wait, who am I kidding, you don’t even go to clubs anymore…
  • Staying in shape is a full time job and drinking wine of an evening usually wins that battle.
  • You don’t get ID’d anymore, like you did at 28.
  • You really do have to adult, no matter how much you still stamp your feet and avoid making those adulting phone calls to bill collectors etc.
  • The angst of “what am I doing with my life?” that you felt in your 20’s is amplified if you still haven’t figured that out.
  • Children and their screaming become unbearable.
  • People who don’t get that you actually, really, seriously, absolutely, do NOT want children get actually, really, seriously, absolutely annoying with their “when you meet the right guy you’ll change your mind, it’s not too late” quips.
  • You’re considered unusual and avoidable because you don’t want children.
  • You become more and more terrified of getting older – until you see a photo of Kylie Minogue, Gwen Stefani or Dita Von Teese and are reminded that your 40’s don’t have to be a scary place, as long as you look after your body and employ an amazing beautician…
  • Hair management is a part time job, your face seems hell bent on being the next Bearded Lady contestant.

What do you love, and hate, about being in your 30’s?

*please know this post is tongue-in-cheek.

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  • Not Dressed As Lamb April 30, 2015 at 11:30 am

    Lisa what a superb post…! As a 40-something childless (by choice) woman, I can totally get where you’re coming from. However, I am lucky to have *never* received comments or questions about why I don’t have kids – my mum is a very “What you do or don’t do is your business” kind of woman so I’ve not received any sort of pressure or questions from her, or my dad, or anyone else. (I don’t know, maybe I give off a “If you ask me why you’ll be sorry you asked” vibe to people?!) IMO, I have no idea why people DO have kids. Can’t understand it at all, not one bit. BUT…

    The funny thing is I absolutely adore kids. I’ve been an auntie since I was 13 – I’m now a great aunt and all my nieces and nephews are as much a part of my family as my husband is to me. But the thought of having a baby of my own (or even being pregnant) fills me with nothing but horror. And that’s as okay as it is to have/want a baby, but so many people don’t seem to realise this!

    So when you mentioned that other people think you’re “unusual and avoidable because you don’t want children”, I think similar things (well, maybe not avoidable) about people who say they’re having baby… but I would NEVER, EVER say that to their face – it’s rude beyond belief!! Like fat-shaming or skinny-shaming or any other bigoted behaviour, questioning women about their childless state is nothing short of insensitive, intrusive and (as I already said) downright rude.

    I met the “right guy” 15 years ago – we’re married, hopelessly in love still and have no desire to have a family. We did at the beginning, but as time went on we both found out the desire to have children ebbed away from both of us (luckily). It doesn’t make us weird, or unusual, or selfish – if anything, I think HAVING children is selfish because people can’t always afford them, or provide for them, or care for them properly, but because they want to have a baby, they have a baby. The kid didn’t ask to be born, and surely wanting (taking?) something because YOU want it, no one else, is selfish…? But it’s a “good” form of selfishness, if that’s not a contradiction, and I wouldn’t dream of criticizing someone for having a baby, like we shouldn’t be criticized for not having one.

    My niece is expecting her second baby any day now (due in two days!) and I couldn’t be happier or more excited for her or her partner, or our whole family. We’re all different, we all want different things, we all live different lives, we all have so much choice and we should be thankful that we live in a society that allows us those choices.

    I think I should get a medal for longest comment on the interwebs today, and the biggest rant. SORRY!! But I thought it had to be said. I’m so in agreement with you.

    However, on the subject of being invisible (this’ll be quick, I promise)…

    Don’t be. It’s as simple as that. I wouldn’t go back to being in my 20s for anything. I love being 40-something, and if you want to turn heads when you walk into a room, it’s not just about putting on a killer dress, it’s also about believing it yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 80, if you want to turn heads – do it, even if it’s only in your head. BELIEVE IT YOURSELF, and everyone will catch up πŸ˜‰

    Phew I need a cup of tea now…!!

    Catherine x

    • The Dame Intl April 30, 2015 at 11:45 am

      The award for most excellent comment goes to you Catherine! πŸ˜€

      I absolutely relate to not understanding why anyone would want to have kids while also actually liking kids (when they’re not screaming), just not wanting any of my own.

      I too am lucky, my mom would rather I didn’t have a kid and I have no other family to hound me, it’s the random strangers who comment on it that irks me.

      You’re also right on the money about it being about how you carry yourself and not about how tight your body is in a killer dress!

      Thanks for your epic comment xo

    • Cee May 24, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      Catherine, thank you so much for this comment! It’s like you took all the thoughts out of my head, especially re. ‘selfishness.’ I’m 26 and my husband is 31, but the word ‘selfish’ has already been used about our decision not to have kids. (Or to adopt if we do have children.)

      Thank you so much for writing about your experience: I look forward to a future of being madly in love, surrounded by extended family (children included!)


      The Syllabub

      • Not Dressed As Lamb May 24, 2015 at 8:53 pm

        Cee I can’t think of anything *less* selfish than to adopt. The fact someone goes to the trouble of wanting to give a child/children a loving home who otherwise wouldn’t know what a happy family life is like is simply wonderful.

        And if you don’t adopt, or have them via childbirth, that’s fine too. Why anyone should be criticized for making life choices that aren’t the same as most other people’s is beyond me. I’ve just thought – if it’s meant to be the “natural” thing to want to have children (and you’re weird if you don’t want them), isn’t that the same as homophobia…??!! Now THERE’S something to think about! x

  • Amber April 30, 2015 at 11:37 am

    Although I’m not edgy or unconventional, I am in my 30s and childless, and I SO relate to all of this! I’m now the only one of my friends who doesn’t have children, and although my friends are still the same people they always were, they’re (understandably) all very preoccupied with parenthood, and it’s hard not to feel like the odd one out: I actually feel like they’ve all moved on into adulthood, and I’m still basically a child myself. I have far more in common with the 20-something fashion/lifestyle bloggers I follow, but I know that in “real life” they’d consider me practically prehistoric, and wouldn’t feel they had any more in common with me than the people who are my-age-but-with-children, do. As you say, there are lots of positives to being this age, and I’m overall much, much happier than I was in my 20s, but now that my friends have all moved onto what most people consider to be the “natural” next stage, I’m feeling a bit in limbo, so this post was so refreshing to read! This is why I love the internet – I may not know many people like me in real life, but there are plenty of them out there!

    • The Dame Intl April 30, 2015 at 11:40 am

      I absolutely know what you mean Amber! Occasionally I would still like to go out to a club, but my friends all have kids and how do you make new friends your age, at our age? Haha! And then if you ever do manage to get to the club, you feel, like you say, prehistoric! πŸ˜€

  • Lemon Freckles May 5, 2015 at 6:16 pm

    Oh goodness this post is just the most perfect and very much needed. I’m not 30, I actually turn 30 next month but i’m pretty much the only person within my group who doesn’t have a child but is married. I want a child one day but I am by no means in any rush and sometimes I feel like i’ve just said the worst thing in the world when I say this to my friends/family. I’m more happy and content now then I have ever been and i’m actually looking forward to my 30s, i’m sure there will be moment of stress but i’m also sure there will be a hell of a lot less drama then there was/seemed to be in my 20s. Great post again! x

    • The Dame Intl May 5, 2015 at 7:13 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it hun and thanks for commenting, may your 30s be the best of your years yet πŸ™‚

  • Manchester Flik Chik May 15, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Laughing my ass off at this it’s soooo true! I think I might start wearing a tee that has a baby surrounded by a big red circle with a line diagonally across it. I still turn heads when I walk into a bar, they are owned by 50 year olds.